Sketches: Imitation

Pareshan

Dreamy

To the land of depressing

From planes and flats, 

Playing cats, bats, rats,

With air so refreshing,

To the land of depressing.

From the days of nothing,

Eat, sleep, greet is everything,

Where no need of interesting,

To the land of depressing.

From the hardly any seen,

Experiences all have been,

Still everyone joyfully sing,

To the land of depressing.

From the everyone a friend,

Chilling out permanent trend,

No broken fences need mending,

To the land of depressing.

From the sights of evening troll,

Gallivanting groups one and all,

Long walks, still fresh, no panting,

To the land of depressing.

From the food fruits natural,

Available to each boy or girl,

Own roof all, no need renting,

To the land of depressing.

From the feeling of I’m home,

Neither Paris, nor gives Rome,

Every touch soothing caressing,

To the land of depressing.

Talkative Lady in the Train: Real Experience

I am on the Upper Berth of the train. There is a talkative lady on the lower berth. She has a lot of stories. I a listening intently and jotting down for you all. So here there are:

Vasihno Devi and Theft of Purse: One I made plans to Vaishno Devi. I was travelling via train. My whole purse (like it can done in parts too) was stolen. A lot of money, jewellery was stolen. We informed TT; searched a lot but didn't find it. But Mata ka Aashirvaad. We reached Vaishno Devi and came back with just the money we had. 

A drunken guy in train: Once I was travelling in train. There was a drunken guy who was making nuisance. It was very late and kept the light of the compartment on. When I asked him to shut it off, he saw me like he will kill me. Then we called TT, who called police and he was ejected from the train.

AGM and sweeping the floor: I work in State Bank of India. In our branch there is no sweeper allocated. Staff is expected to Sweep the floor in the morning. When I was transferred to this branch, they expected me also to sweep the floor. I said no. They threatened me that AGM Sir will become angry. I told them straightforward, let AGM come and sweep the floor. I won’t do it. And if I am threatened, I will complain in writing.

Clearly written Cancer and still you people eat: She is giving a lecture to a fellow passenger who is chewing Tobacco. “Likha hai ki cancer hoga, phir bhi kha rahe ho”. My husband is also like that. Whole house is full of dirt due to the wrappers. We have regular arguments on this issue. Teeth also go bad and it causes cancer too. Whole wash-room is dirty red. I was once travelling in train. I saw a group of South Indians. None of them chewed Masala/Tobacco. They had such nice shining teeth.

No patience in UP people: My in laws are from UP. These people are so fighting type. They have no patience and ready to argue. They don’t even respect each other. No love. “Bas ladwa lo. Shaadi ke baad shuru shuru mein toh itni ladayi huyi inke Gharwaalon se, pooch mat”. 

My husband is no good: Me and my husband both are working. He has a four wheeler, I just have a two wheeler. Never has he said that you take the car today. Kabhi Nahin. Saara ghar mein sambhaloon, kaam bhi karoon. He is no good.

Her stories are never ending. I will stop listening to her now.

There were days when I wanted to fly

There were days when I wanted to fly,

Into the fresh air, across the blue sky,

On top of the world, higher than the high,

There were days when I wanted to fly.

There were days when I wanted to shine,

Better than the best, raising glass of wine,

Wake up at eight, on top of world by nine,

There were days when I wanted to shine.

There were days when I wanted to die,

Greetings to none, just smile and say bye,

Enough excitement, deep breath and sigh,

There were days when I wanted to die.

There were days when I wanted to sleep,

Take a sound rest, no alarm dare to beep,

Relieve myself from tensions knee deep,

There were days when I wanted to sleep.

There were days when I wanted to live,

Longer than eternity, some take some give,

A cheerful life, every minute high five,

There were days when I wanted to live.

There were days when I wanted to kill,

Prehistoric instincts to turn a prey nill,

People scared, give a war cry so shrill,

There were days when I wanted to kill.

Now is the time when I want nothing,

Neither to dance, nor want to sing,

Just gaze at stars till morning chirping,

Now is the time when I want nothing.

Sabne Khaya, Ab Hum Khayenge

So the new motto of BJP seems to be, "Sabne Khaya, Ab Hum Khayenge". At least that's what's showing from their defences of their leaders on Lalit Modi controversy.

Rajiv Shukla, Shashi Tharoor were implicit with Lalit Modi. So Congress is no better. Sharad Pawar is himself deep into this, hence NCP should keep its mouth shut. We got AAP's Tomar arrested, hence our Tawde and Irani are not to be questioned. Is Dushyant worse than Vadra? After all Raje and Dushyant are born royals, Vadra wasn't even born a Gandhi. That's BJP's argument.

For each allegation, BJP is doing nothing but throwing dirt on others. Modi Sir, Congress was thrown out due to Corruption a year back. Do you forget? Maun-Mohan lost respect as did nothing in a bid to cling on to his post. Do you forget? NCP is down to dust. Do you forget? We believed you Modi ji, not some Swaraj, Jaitely, Singh, Irani, Raje. We believed you.

From, "Naa Khayenge, Naa Khane Denge", you say, "Sabne Khaya, Ab Hum Khayenge". Ok Congress, AAP, NCP, JDU, RJD have no moral right to question you, if that's your argument (silly as it may be). Do I, as a citizen of India, have any right or not? Or you and your party will put your dirty tricks Dept, against me too?

Congress didn't vote for you. AAP didn't vote for you. We did. Even those who didn't, they also have a right to ask. Or should we all go to Pakistan, There is a vast difference between what you say and do. You say that all people are equal, that no one should destroy communal harmony. But I see no action. You in fact promoted one such person to be a Minister. People are now seeing through your hollow words Sir. 

It took a movement to rally people behind you, to make Congress Mukt Bharat. We all fought hard. You and your party is destroying everything. You are no different than Congress. Even worse, as Congress was a known culprit. You dig the dagger under guise of a friend.

What happens after death?

“So, how was it?” asked a voice. How was what and where is this voice coming, I wondered. What is this place, I wondered next. An unending white room. Some kind of dream, is it? “So, how was it?” same voice again. This time even louder. “How was the experience?”

I tried recollecting my memory. Last I remembered, I was walking down the road and the phone call. Ah! Yes, the phone call. I was leaning against the wall. Someone tried to point out something to me. I couldn't understand what. Then all blank. I remember now. Something fell on my head. Oh! My God. Am I hallucinating? Or was it all just a dream?

“So, how was it?” the voice again. And this time a face too. Astonishing! it was my own face. A person looking exactly like me walked towards me. “So, how was it this time? Oh! My bad, you are still not washed off earth memories”. He blinked twice and smiled. The very moment, I remembered everything. 

This was the place, which earthlings called heaven. We call it our home. Earth for us is just an extended laboratory. A simulator. We try and put ourselves in different situations and gauge the result. This gives us the best possible approach in different scenarios. We occur in pairs. Two similar beings.

One of us goes covert and assume role of a human on earth. Other one overlooks and studies as it unfolds. “It was painful”, said I. “You threw the god-damn piano from the balcony”, I shouted. “Why couldn't you have made less painful a death?”. He chuckled, as if getting a narcissistic pleasure. 

“So what’s the result this time”, I enquired. “Well it’s failure again”. You see we have been trying to find a perfect recipe for us to remain happy our entire life, but have failed every-time. This was out 1,21,245th simulation. All negative.

This time , it was your neighbours car. It was bigger than yours and you grudged him to the verge of stop enjoying your life. The cardinal sin to covet did you in this time. Time for next simulation.

लौट भी आ तू

दिन कटते न हैं अब बिन तेरे,
रातें भी है कितनी सूनी सी,
बातें भी करने लगा मैं कम,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

खाना रखे रखे जाता है सूख,
सुबह से शाम न लगती भूख,
तेरे हाथ से ही तोड़ूंगा व्रत,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

वो शाम पहर, वो सुस्ताना,
वो आँखों से मस्ती छलकाना,
तेरी नटखट शोख अदाएं हाय,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

ये भीगी भीगी सुबह मुझको,
याद दिला, कर देती गुमसुम,
एकटकी लगाये, यही आस,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

समुंदर पार, पूरे सात सात,
न दीदार तेरा, न हुई बात,
विरह की तड़प, न मुलाकात,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

मेरी छोटी छोटी बातों पर,
बिल्ली सा तेरा घुर्राना था अच्छा,
लगे लाख गुना इस सन्नाटे से,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

अब आ जा तू, बस आ जा तू,
मेरे सर पर हाथ फिरा जा तू,
कल आँख खुले, तू सामने हो,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

Shallow Indians? Yoga Day Begging for International Approval

Ministry Of Ayush Beaming Faces!

So Yoga day which reverberated with Made In India, was rejoiced by Indians for setting 2 Guinness World Records. Am I the only one to notice the irony?

See the image on the left, Ministry of Ayush being handed over the Guinness certificates by a foreigner. This celebrated image reeks of approval that we are seeking from foreigners. 

What is Guinness Book of Records after all? It’s a book, not made in India. It was started by a certain Hugh Beaver in London in 1955. He was owner of Guinness Brewery.  

So we are rejoicing to be part of a book conceived and published in London to mark our home grown Yoga. How shallow can we all go?

Shameful for Ministry of Ayush representatives to line up and collect the certification from some foreigner. They should have rejected it for Yoga Day at least. Given the itch for international approval, it’s too much to expect, I guess!

Baap of all ironies!

Yoga Day: More International than National?

First, I would commend PM and his team for giving an international event that is driven by India. With West ruling the roost with Valentines Day, Friendship Day, Fathers Day and what not, Yoga Day has done a lot to quench my Jingoism. This has also given NRI's bragging rights in front of their foreigner friends. With a lot of NRI support this is more than evident. Well I couldn't care less!

What a boon to malnourished people in India, this Yoga Day is. I am not saying that there is something wrong in Yoga Day, but it is one more of those events for the prospered. This is my fundamental issue with the Govt which we chose with such hopes. 

Swacch Bharat, Namami Gange, Yoga Day, all this is fine. I would have expected steps on war footing against Corruption, Poverty, Hunger and basic standard of living. It is not forthcoming; neither I see anything in the pipeline. How will proving to the world that India has given Yoga, help the poor Indians? 

We perceive it as wrong priorities of the Govt. We are missing the point. What is a Govt? Govt is made up of people. People from among us. These people have a power to influence other people, hence have been able to become representative of others. Why believe these people are good? They can be bad too. They want to earn money. And then some more. They want to get fame and be revered by all. And then some more. They want to be praised nationally and internationally. And then some more.

I am not against Yoga Day, but first lead a war cry against Hunger, Poverty, Corruption and provide basic decency to citizens in life and in death. I mean how hard can it be? Given elections require a huge amount of money that comes from few big Industrialists, this might be a Utopian Dream. Till then dance in the jingoism of International Yoga Day.

Chinese Dog eaters: Hypocrites rest of the world!

Disclaimer: I don’t eat non-veg. But I don’t keep an opinion on those who eat.

Innocent!

I was watching episodes of Master Chef Australia/America where animals, all chopped up and being referred to as protein, were being used to display culinary skills. From lamb to chicken to goat to cow to duck to rabbit, all alike. 

Then I read about Western revolution to ban Yulin dog eating festival in China. Something  didn't seem to add up. How eating one animal is divine while eating other one is devilish.

Well, the only reason I came up with is, it’s an insane world we live in. Top 10 countries according to meat consumption in lbs/person/year are listed as below (2005)

S No.	Country	lbs/person/year
1	Luxembourg	315
2	Hong Kong	296
3	United States	279
4	Australia	259
5	Austria	240
6	Spain	238
7	Cyprus	230
8	New Zealand	229
9	Denmark	222
10	Ireland	222

Am I not innocent?

Surprisingly these are among the countries that are most vocal against the Yulin festival. It’s not that these are the only countries. A lot of Chinese people are also against this custom.

Am I not innocent?

My only argument is, be a Gandhi before you preach. Absolve yourself of sins before calling the other person a murderer. I really don’t understand the hypocrisy. I don’t understand the difference. 

I agree that people who steal other people’s pets should be prosecuted. But more than that is just one-upmanship. It’s like You are more cruel than I am, You are bigger thug than me.

 Up to some point I can understand vegetarians protesting against meat eaters. Though I again leave it to personal choice. But one flesh eater pointing finger at other flesh eater is beyond my understanding.

I know a lot of people will backlash against my view. To those people I just want to say one thing. I couldn't care less about hypocrites. 

Ola going the Nestle way: Degrading Quality

I used to admire Ola a lot. A start-up that solved the commuting headache of evolving India. I have used Ola in metro cities Mumbai, Delhi and have admired their service. Nice ride, with informed drivers. Ola service centre provided good guidelines to the drivers which I think helped them to service customers.

However what I faced recently in Agra, was a very bad experience. I called a cab. A very old and bad looking cab came to pick me up. "How does looks matter. I just need a ride", thinking this, I got in the cab. Now the cab started shaking as the ride started. At the very first turn, driver hit a two wheeler which fell down and needed helping to picked up. I realized it was not the drivers fault, the brake was at fault. The car was so old, it was not in a position to run smoothly. Gates opened only on one side, AC was not cooling the cab.

Then came the next part, Driver asked me money for Diesel. I told him, I have recharged my Ola money and couldn't pay cash. Poor driver didn't understood what I was talking about. Apparently, cab belonged to some local heavyweight, who run 4-5 cabs with Ola and have hired drivers to drive his cars. This driver didn't know anything about how Ola cab worked. In fact I have to remind him to click "Start Journey" on his device after 500m or so. And he was like, "Sir kuch upar se de dena 500m ke, boss gaali dega warna".

Coming back to the diesel. He stopped the car and called his boss. He told that passenger won't pay cash and diesel is running out. "Aapne subah bas 3 litre dalwaya tha sir, aur paise bhi nahin diye aapne". I heard him telling his boss.

Anyway, a shaky ride with me praying at every turn ensued. As I was still to reach the destination, driver stopped again. "Aap yahin pe utar jao. Main aage nahin jaoonga. Boss yahin pe aake petrol bharwa dega. Mujhe dhakka nahin lagana". I told him that I won't argue with him. I will complain to Ola. "Aap jo bhi karo, kar lo. Meri gaadi nahin hai. Mujhe kya. Waise bhi yeh gaadiyaan Nisaar sahab ki hain. Unka kuch nahin kar sakte Ola waale. Saalon ko Agra mein Ola chalaani hai toh Nisaar sahab se panga Ola waalon ka baap bhi nahin le sakta. Agra mein Ola band karwa denge sahab".

I got down. Waited for a rickshaw for a while; Took the rickshaw and got to my destination.

I enquired further as to the root cause. The issue is lack of checks by Ola. People are buying old, debilitated cars for 50,000 bucks. They get 36,000 per month from Ola. Keep a driver @ 6000. Diesel for another 8000 bucks. Clear 22000/- profit per month. Since the cab is old, no burden of EMI's. I came to know such practice is rampant in Tier-2/3 cities like Agra, where they say, "Bas call aata haiOla se, koi check karne to aata nahin hai, ki kitni ghatiya car hai".

I say Ola has gone Nestle way because, Swiss company Nestle think of Indians as Poor people and apply different quality checks for Indian and Switzerland/US/UK. Same is being done by Ola. They are applying different standards and responses to Metros Delhi/Mumbai/Bengaluru and to Tier-2/3 cities. In a bid to expand, quality is being degraded.

I complained over the phone. Got a lot of apologies from call centre executive of Ola. They promised me refund. I asked them I don’t need the refund. I want to know when they will ban such cabs and improve quality checks. Otherwise it's a tragedy waiting to happen with such gundaism.

Lalit Modi, Sushma Swaraj saga: Who said what and What they really meant

Disclaimer: This post is an art of fiction, laced with humour and should be read accordingly.

Time is a great leveller. The Lalit-Sushma saga that has been unfolding has brought a lot of people riding on morally high horse, thrashing to the ground. Like all of you, I have been following the story, given a lot of free time I have! A lot of people has given a lot of statements over last few days. 

Obviously they were camouflaging the real statements. Let's try and find out what they really meant. 

1. Sushma Swaraj: 

What she said?

I took a humanitarian view. What benefit did I pass on to Lalit Modi - that he could sign consent papers for surgery of his wife suffering from Cancer ?

What she really meant?

Phas Gayi ri Sushma. Thought Lalit Modi was some relative of Narendra Modi. Ek Modi ne Minister banaya. Doosra le dooba. A lot of people are dying in India. Lot's of slum dwellers right here in Delhi. I am happy that their slums are demolished. No humanitarian consideration for them. But Modi is the new Gandhi. All should know. 

2. Rahul Gandhi:

What he said:

Who is Lalit Modi? He is man of black money. Now Narendra Modi ji is saving another Modi. BJP can say all they want to, but the truth is that PM is saving a man with black money.

What he really meant:

Everyone who cut my holiday short, have to bear the brunt now. And I really don't know Why is Lalit Modi? Please help me out here. I don't even know what black money is, I only know black coffee. They handed me a script and I just read it. Waiting for next foreign holiday...

3. Rajnath Singh:

What he said:

We want to make it clear that whatever she has done is right. We justify it and the government completely stands by her.

What he really meant:

Bhad me Jao Sab ke Sab. Mere beta toj jaise taise bach gaya. Abki baar, Sushma ki Haar. I am least interested in all this. My post has anyways be made ceremonial by Modiji. Do whatever you want to do. I am too old for all this now.

4. Digvijay Singh:

What he said:

I want to ask the Prime Minister, I want to ask finance minister, why are they keeping quiet? Is he a fugitive? We want to know?

What he really meant:

I want go ask God, "Why Rahul Gandhi...Why...What mistake have I done"? I want to ask Sonia Gandhi, why she brought Rahul to the world? Is he really human? We want to know? Uh...My Son got married...now time for me to get married. Yay!

5. P. Chidambaram:

What he said:

The complete answer to Mr Lalit Modi's accusations against UPA can be found in the letters to the UK Chancellor. Release them.

What he really meant:

I retired knowing that I won't be re-elected. I walk fast and look busy, it keeps from knowing how dumb I am. I got a zero in Economics 101 in exam. What else could I give the country. I myself lost crores in share market. And they wonder why economy was ruined!. Ha...ha.

6: Lalu Yadav:

What he said:

Sushma Swaraj is a woman. She should not be pestered over the issue. Political parties should not pester her more.

What he really meant: 

Ei toh saala hona hi tha. Ab chara kha ke gobar hi niklega, sona toh nahin niklega. She is a woman, don't pester her. I am a senior citizen. Don't pester me too. Waise bhi bahut preshan hoon, budbak!

7: Ram Gopal Yadav:

What he said:

Political parties often help people on humanitarian grounds. Sushma Swaraj has a long outstanding political career. Why will she take a favour from Lalit Modi?. It was totally on humanitarian grounds.

What he really meant: 

My minister got a reporter burnt alive. Central Govt. hasn't yet asked for details. You should know why. Tu meri kuhja, mein teri khujaoon! We also need the help on same humanitarian grounds to sustain the Jungle Raaj!

8. Sharad Pawar:

What he said:

I bumped into Lalit Modi while having lunch at a London restaurant three-four weeks ago. I told him he should come back to India and face the law. 

What he really meant: 

What a bump that was. Like a bump caught! Junta is fool. They have believed my nonsense all this time. They will believe this too. I bumped into Lalit Modi in the big London city while having Lunch by chance. They will also believe that I advised him to face the law. They will also believe I am the Queen of England

9. Arun Jaitley:

What he said:

Swaraj’s decisions were bonafide and she acted in good faith. The entire government and party are one on the matter. The minister is capable of taking decisions on her own. When she needs to seek government approval she will do that.

What he really meant:

Foreign relations have improved faster than the economy. She was edging past me in performance. Good riddance! Goverment and party is together on the conclusion that She has taken her the decision all alone. So please humko baksho.

10. Kirti Azad:

What he said:

#BJPs #AsteenKaSaanp & #Arnab conspire against BJP leaders. Guess the snake? IStandWithSushmaSwaraj @SushmaSwaraj

What he really meant: 

Because of Jaitley, I couldn't rise in Cricket Administration. I stand with anyone who is against Jaitley. Waise bhi mujhe kuch bhi bolne ki aadat hai. Meri sunta hi kaun hai!

Delhi Law Minister arrested: Time for Courts to pitch in?

The row between Delhi Government and Central Government has been going on since the Delhi Government took charge. Most of it stems from the different interpretations of Constitution from Kejriwal and Modi.

Currently ACB (Anti Corruption Bureau) seems to be the bone of contention with both Kejriwal and Modi want to get a hold over it for whatever interests. Kejriwal says it is being done by Modi to shield the corrupt. While Modi's side says they have constitutional authority on ACB. 

With the arrest of Delhi Law Minister, this has risen to absurd level. Fake degree cases have been lodged against Mrs. Smriti Irani and Mr. Ramshanker Katheria, well known BJP names. Selective and targeted arrest of Law Minister raises a lot of eyebrows. The same BJP which accused Congress of vested interest by staying silent on Modi visa row and not honouring elected CM, is going the Congress way. 

My sympathies are all will AAP on this. Let the Delhi Goverment function. We are all aware of rampant corruption in BJP own MCDi in Delhi. I agree 1 year is too short for Modi to clean all of it. No fault to him. But if someone is trying to sweep of corruption, Modi should take this as a support to his cause. Modi's priority lies to BJP or the country? The lines seems blurred.

I think it's time for Hon'ble Supreme Court to take suo moto and solve this Constitutional crises. Court can once and for all give proper guidelines and a better interpretation of Constitution.

The CNG witness scam is the current issue. Kejriwal wants to get it probed. Some vested interest clearly don't. At least that's what I make of it as an informed citizen. I am pained to see BJP going the Congress way. I was equally pained when Akhilesh Yadav squandered the promise. I was equally pained when Rahul Gandhi after nuclear deal high, felt silent when country was looted.  

This was not what I expected of BJP. A big question mark on Modi and his anti-corruption rant.

Opinion of a Modi fan on Delhi issue

There doesn’t seem to be an end to BJP going the BJP way. What I mean is getting hit wicket. When all seems to be working fine, Modi is gaining applauds for his work. Governance has been restored. 

Why is BJP hell bent on running itself out. Advaniji once famously said, “BJP can only be hit wicket. No one can bowl us out”. This was pre-2004 when BJP was shining.

Even after burning its fingers, Why is BJP repeating the same in Delhi. Such confrontation with an elected Delhi Government, people are not taking too well. Just like the back-channelled approaches to form Govt. earlier, BJP is trying to do the same. Advaniji graciously backed Shiela Dixit Govt. in transfer posting of officers, as the will of elected CM needs to be respected. But Modi/Amit Shah seems not to be in mood.

The plan is to get AAP Govt. to fail by whatever means. I have said earlier also, Congress used to hide behind logics like “Constitutional Authority”, “Let’s talk civil” and look what happened to it. Votes of today don’t care how/what politicians utter (only Media seems to care about it). We care about work. Deeds more than words. 

Modi’s advisors have wrongly advised him on Delhi issue. Since I have been a Modi fan, this feels more painful. I urge PM to stop it. I can agree if this was done for stopping corruption or benefit of Delhi. But priorities seem to lie anywhere else. Why worry about strengthened ACB? Why worry about CNG Fitness scam? Looks like BJP has compromised with corruption at some level. 

I genuinely hope Modi steps in and root this evil. I hope Modi is still taller than BJP.

Maggi: Misguided Finger Pointing

Okay, so Maggi is in the eye of the storm these days. My Maggi. Let me first do some prediction. Maggi will keep on being sold. Nothing will happen to it. The tide will stem, just like it happened with Cola’s. People will be paid and sweetened, and tests will pass.

The issue I want to discuss is News Channels questioning celebrities’ culpability in all this. The celebrities who endorsed the product. I agree, they should be to some extent, as they aided in fooling people to buy the product. But what these news channels conveniently forget is they too aired the same advt. And hence are equally culpable in fooling us.

If celebrities are made a party, then all the TV channels, news papers, each and every one involved in promotion and marketing should be made a party. Limit of absurdness, right? Well so is making celebrities a party. If they are endorsing an illegal product, I can understand the blame. But when Govt. agencies themselves certified it earlier, how does anyone, including celebrities, News Channels know? We all were fooled not by Maggi, but by our own system.

Why haven’t we created a system yet, which catches such crimes sooner. Everyone who earlier signed off on the clearances to Maggie should be the first one to be taken to task. Nestle is a Swiss company, What better to be expected of them than to leach on gullible foreigners?

Most important is to create a system which is not fooled ever again. Not so easily.

Shame to Shame

Not sure what exactly has gone wrong, but a lot has evidently. It’s not that I am a gullible person but all too sudden double speak by Modi Govt has taken me aback. How the mighty have fallen and continuously do so.

Consider this, Arun Jaitely recently said that indirectly elected Upper House can’t hold the passage of bills and is a threat to democracy. This statement is against the very core of constitution. Upper house represents the states, which under the federal structure is a must. Centre was not envisioned to be all too powerful and states were given rights to decide for themselves. In Centre the Upper House plays this role.

Being the leader of the party in the Upper House, this smacked of all too hypocrisy. Anyways, one could have discounted this as his genuine personal view. But what his party is doing with Delhi Govt. via Lt. Governor is the same. According to BJP, Opposition is not letting elected Govt work. And BJP is not letting elected Delhi Govt work. Shame to Shame.

Hypocrisy, thou art a bitch!

Internet Neutrality v/s Telecom Neutrality

OK, Lets take the much talked about topic of Net Neutrality head on. We have heard enough allegations, counter allegations and then some. Even for Computer geeks the concept of Net Neutrality is quite new, leave aside the mere surfers. Let me try and break it to bare bones.

Net Neutrality means bandwidth and airwaves are not partial to what data is flowing through. Also equal opportunity, which has led to a lot of innovation. There are two so called attacks on net neutrality. One is Airtel Zero or internet.org (facebook). Other is charging premium for whatsapp data usage.

My viewpoint on whatsapp premium is as follows. Telecom companies plead that they have paid heavily for Airwaves. They are also bound by rules and regulations. The new apps like whatsapp which have taken everyone by surprise provide services similar to sms/calls but are not bound by the same rules. What Telecom companies are asking for is a Telecom-Neutrality. For investment in telecom infrastructure, what we need is a healthy balance sheet of telecom companies. My view is since telecom companies have paid through their noses for airwaves in 2G/3G auctions, they have right to earn handsome. TV channels including news channels, ups the ad rates during IPL finals or such major events; Also tie the ad rates with TRP’s. Why are then telecom companies being targeted alone?

Well for one it’s easy to target someone who charges people money every min of the day for just uttering a word. I feel rather than targeting telecom companies, what we should fight for is level playing field. Rules and Regulations should be same for everyone providing same services. Whatsapp is no saint. They have already made 20 billion dollars. Who paid for it? You would say Facebook. I say no. I say Whatsapp has earned at the expense of the same telecom companies. We should ask Whatsapp a piece of that 20billion USD made out of next to zero investment, rather than berating telecom companies who have invested a lot.

Next is the issue of telecom companies partnering with selected websites and making them available for free. Well on the face of it I was enraged too. How can this be done? It means propagating few websites. Since people tend to choose surfing for free, it would also mean limiting the meaning of internet for the people.

Then I looked at the stats of internet penetration in India. It’s just 20% of population. Few people out of these 20% people are the one raising hue and cry. What about the rest 80% who don’t have access to internet. Don’t they have a right to internet? If they get internet for free in whatever shape, isn’t it better? No, say the high and mighty. Shallow moral arguments are put forward. Who cares for the betterment of 80%, when a small portion of the 20% who are on twitter/facebook rule the roost. I admit someone is going to too make money out of this zero/org initiatives but as long as 80% people get to access internet for free, I will be the first one to support it.

For all those who are against, I say this, you please find a better solution to take internet free of cost to the 80% and I will support you.

Lovey Dovey

O Princess, O Sweetheart,
My apple pie, my lemon tart,
Google you, I’m feeling lucky,
You are my Lovey Dovey.

Your hairfall, Your confusion,
Is no temporary but all season,
You are tea leaf, I am plucky,
You are my Lovey Dovey.

Your shyness, Your red cheeks,
All flat, What Macho, What Geeks,
Movie You, I Vicco Vajradanti,
You are my Lovey Dovey.

You wake up, its my sunshine,
When off you doze, its my night,
I’m like a cold, You Vicks Vaporab,
You are my Lovey Dovey.

So slim are you, still worry weight,
Let me have last bite off the plate,
I stain yellow, You White of Tide,
You are my Lovey Dovey.

Your anger makes me laugh,
Never full, all half and half,
I melody, you are chocolaty,
You are my Lovey Dovey.

Romeo Juliet died together,
People say they love eternal,
But I want to live with you coz,
You are my Lovey Dovey.

India’s Daughter: TRP Lust

Arguments, counter arguments and then some. This has been going on over the BBC documentary India’s Daughter. It has boiled down to the clash of two leading media houses. Both wanting to outdo each other in TRP race.

The media house who was to air the said documentary has begun rally in support. Rival news channel, has gone to town all bonkers against it. The sad part is, this war is not ideological. These channels could have easily switched places, and would have justified themselves too.

This is TRP race my friend. Documentary will get more eyeballs now, in this internet age. All those who didn’t knew about the details of interview, will know now for sure. So all the campaign against it will backfire. But who cares. As I said, it’s not ideological.

The flouting of norms and ethics has become a passe. What else could be expected of Radia-taped journalists. Why add to the horror of the victim’s family by airing the face and views of a monster. Who cares. As I said, it’s not ideological.

As long as the TRP’s are coming, it’s all good. Someone has the pressure to reach No. 1, other is under pressure to remain No. 1.

The irony is, I too seems to be in on the race somewhere, by writing this. Sigh!

Pending Amount 10/-

I am travelling to Mumbai in train. Got stuck in traffic and was able to catch the train just in time, that too owing to the magnanimity of Indian Railways; train got late.

Anyways, I somehow caught the train huffing and puffing and soon was fast asleep. TT came, I woke up and got my ticket checked. Went back to sleep. Sometime later, he came back; asked for 10/- pending amount. I thought, what the hell!

I asked him to explain me what he meant by pending amount. Matlab bhada hua kiraya, he explained. I was perplexed. As an avid news follower, I didn’t read about any fare increase. Poor chap himself didn’t knew much. I asked him for a reciept. He told that he is collecting now and will create receipt for everyone in the coach together and will give it. I thought for a second and then gave him 10/- pending amount. I want to sleep some more, hence it wouldn’t matter if he gave
reciept or not.

I also don’t know what this increased fare is all about. I only remember the smugness on face of Finance Minister, Mr. Jaitley when he said, Middle class should take care of themselves. So I took care of myself. Going by such clandestine increase in fares, and no acche din on the anvil, dont worry Mr. FM, come elections, middle class will take care of you and your party too.

PS: As I suspected, No one was given any receipt.

I miss you

When sun shines, I miss that smile,
Drop of rains, I miss those tears,
Wind blows, the breath you blew,
My heart beats, I miss you.

Come Diwali, I miss that burst,
Friends around noone to trust,
When night falls, I miss the blue,
My heart beats, I miss you.

Sometimes when I feel so dull,
I miss your efforts to cheer me up,
That cute face, that eyes pursue,
My heart beats, I miss you.

Day last when I was angry,
I dearly missed that soothing touch,
Calm me down, all anxieties flew,
My heart beats, I miss you.

Wins in life, no worth to me,
When none around to share with,
Fun is lot but happiness through,
My heart beats, I miss you.

Same food I eat, same air I breath,
But find myself on alien terrain,
So far away from land I grew,
My heart beats, I miss you.

I miss the eyes, I miss the cries,
I miss the hair, I miss that care,
I miss the mist, I miss the dew,
My heart beats, I miss you.

India’s Daughter: Phonies back in business

Controversy surrounded the documentary India’s daughter has brought all phonies back to action. With their opinions and commentary on various media platforms.

I read a piece by a self proclaimed eminent person, who was in news about controversial death of his wife till very recently. According to him, the ban embarrasses India. Cool! So a ban on a documentary by BBC embarrasses whole of India. No Sir, it’s you who feel embarrassed. You who feel economy class flight traveler are cattle. We can just imagine what you would think of Train travelers; Bus travelers. God forbid you meet a person who don’t have any money to travel, you would I am sure choke to breath the same air. You feel embarrassed as you would be asked questions by your friends across the world and probably in BBC.

Your phoniness knows know bound. Stop crying for British Broadcasting Corporation, come down to earth and do your bit for your mother India. But no, you would enjoy and feel embarrassed in the company of global elites, while we who are worse than cattle, are subjected to this torture of your blogs.

A lot of such his/her highness are raising voices across. Like all other issues in India are already resolved. Please work to make India a better nation, not to grab airwaves. I am deeply saddened by affairs of media. How have they fallen! The race for TRP has corrupted them beyond repair. I can understand actions by a foreign media channel, foreign reporter, who did things to make money at the expense of India. But why our own media wants to do the same to our own nation is beyond understanding.

I urge our national media not to fall prey to sensationalism. There are many issues in countries across the world. Find such issues and make equally outrageous documentaries about those countries. You will find me standing by you. For the sake of nation, spare your own country.

Holi Hudanga: Shri Dauji Temple

Forced to get up 6 in the morning, I lethargicly got ready. A customary post marriage trip to a temple around 2hrs drive away. Shri Dauji Maharaj Temple near Agra. Lord Dauji, the brother that Lord Krishna grew up with. Dauji is commonly known as Balram.

Early morning coupled with Holi hangover made sure there was no traffic. A smooth toll road and a futher bumpy ride later, we reached the destination. Corruption aside, I feel toll roads have done much good than harm to society. Anyways it’s a discussion for another time.

My mother went nostalgic about Tonga rides she had taken along the same lanes long time back. As we reached near the temple, we saw a lot of barricades and policebandobast. Apparently, today was day after holi and in this temple, holi is played today with God. Holi hudanga, with flowers, colours replete.

A lot of foreigners were mounted atop rooftops, with cameras and recording equipments. Festival of colours in itself, has a global attraction. And such age old customs of Hudanga are more so. We did the darshan and
a quick exit, not wanting to get coloured.

Uncondition Love

Some people say I am angry,
Some say I am stupid much,
Few find me too arrogant,
Special few uncondition love.

Some people say I don’t listen,
Some say I disrespect a lot,
Few find my hardness in heart,
Special few uncondition love.

Some people say I am filthy,
Some say I am self obsessed,
Few find devil inside too dark,
Special few uncondition love.

Some people say I am useless,
Some say I am no human,
Few find me unfathomable,
Special few uncondition love.

Some people say I am vagrant,
Some say I am uncouth jerk,
Few find me unreasonable,
Special few uncondition love.

Those people who find negative,
I say it’s all okay my friends,
For every hundred there is that one,
Special one uncondition love.

Tax Slabs Unchanged: A welcome change

Finance Minister has kept tax slabs unchanged this budget 2015-16. Disagreeing with the popular notion, I welcome this. I’ll tell you why.

It goes back to the root question, “What do we expect of our Govt.?” For me personally, I expect my life to get better. Public amenities to get better, Traffic situation to get better, Better Roads, Better Air, Affordable Housing. I expect to retire early and save enough for leisure. For me none of these wishes are granted by easing of Tax-Slabs. A few thousand rupees extra in my pocket seems nothing but a bribe.

Yes BRIBE. It feels like Govt. throwing bones to a dog. Something like, “We won’t do anything to give you a better quality of life, but here, I am throwing few thousand bucks to you. Lap it up and shut up. Vote for me the next time too”. For me it’s nothing better than a MNREGS like subsidy. I am totally against it.

Hence I commend FM. Thanks for not throwing bones to me and bribing me. Hope you utilize the tax I pay to give me what I want in the long run. Let future FM’s too hear this loud and clear. Don’t try and buy my integrity and my vote. Create sustained resources. Give me the nation of my dreams.