Sabne Khaya, Ab Hum Khayenge

So the new motto of BJP seems to be, "Sabne Khaya, Ab Hum Khayenge". At least that's what's showing from their defences of their leaders on Lalit Modi controversy.

Rajiv Shukla, Shashi Tharoor were implicit with Lalit Modi. So Congress is no better. Sharad Pawar is himself deep into this, hence NCP should keep its mouth shut. We got AAP's Tomar arrested, hence our Tawde and Irani are not to be questioned. Is Dushyant worse than Vadra? After all Raje and Dushyant are born royals, Vadra wasn't even born a Gandhi. That's BJP's argument.

For each allegation, BJP is doing nothing but throwing dirt on others. Modi Sir, Congress was thrown out due to Corruption a year back. Do you forget? Maun-Mohan lost respect as did nothing in a bid to cling on to his post. Do you forget? NCP is down to dust. Do you forget? We believed you Modi ji, not some Swaraj, Jaitely, Singh, Irani, Raje. We believed you.

From, "Naa Khayenge, Naa Khane Denge", you say, "Sabne Khaya, Ab Hum Khayenge". Ok Congress, AAP, NCP, JDU, RJD have no moral right to question you, if that's your argument (silly as it may be). Do I, as a citizen of India, have any right or not? Or you and your party will put your dirty tricks Dept, against me too?

Congress didn't vote for you. AAP didn't vote for you. We did. Even those who didn't, they also have a right to ask. Or should we all go to Pakistan, There is a vast difference between what you say and do. You say that all people are equal, that no one should destroy communal harmony. But I see no action. You in fact promoted one such person to be a Minister. People are now seeing through your hollow words Sir. 

It took a movement to rally people behind you, to make Congress Mukt Bharat. We all fought hard. You and your party is destroying everything. You are no different than Congress. Even worse, as Congress was a known culprit. You dig the dagger under guise of a friend.

What happens after death?

“So, how was it?” asked a voice. How was what and where is this voice coming, I wondered. What is this place, I wondered next. An unending white room. Some kind of dream, is it? “So, how was it?” same voice again. This time even louder. “How was the experience?”

I tried recollecting my memory. Last I remembered, I was walking down the road and the phone call. Ah! Yes, the phone call. I was leaning against the wall. Someone tried to point out something to me. I couldn't understand what. Then all blank. I remember now. Something fell on my head. Oh! My God. Am I hallucinating? Or was it all just a dream?

“So, how was it?” the voice again. And this time a face too. Astonishing! it was my own face. A person looking exactly like me walked towards me. “So, how was it this time? Oh! My bad, you are still not washed off earth memories”. He blinked twice and smiled. The very moment, I remembered everything. 

This was the place, which earthlings called heaven. We call it our home. Earth for us is just an extended laboratory. A simulator. We try and put ourselves in different situations and gauge the result. This gives us the best possible approach in different scenarios. We occur in pairs. Two similar beings.

One of us goes covert and assume role of a human on earth. Other one overlooks and studies as it unfolds. “It was painful”, said I. “You threw the god-damn piano from the balcony”, I shouted. “Why couldn't you have made less painful a death?”. He chuckled, as if getting a narcissistic pleasure. 

“So what’s the result this time”, I enquired. “Well it’s failure again”. You see we have been trying to find a perfect recipe for us to remain happy our entire life, but have failed every-time. This was out 1,21,245th simulation. All negative.

This time , it was your neighbours car. It was bigger than yours and you grudged him to the verge of stop enjoying your life. The cardinal sin to covet did you in this time. Time for next simulation.

लौट भी आ तू

दिन कटते न हैं अब बिन तेरे,
रातें भी है कितनी सूनी सी,
बातें भी करने लगा मैं कम,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

खाना रखे रखे जाता है सूख,
सुबह से शाम न लगती भूख,
तेरे हाथ से ही तोड़ूंगा व्रत,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

वो शाम पहर, वो सुस्ताना,
वो आँखों से मस्ती छलकाना,
तेरी नटखट शोख अदाएं हाय,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

ये भीगी भीगी सुबह मुझको,
याद दिला, कर देती गुमसुम,
एकटकी लगाये, यही आस,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

समुंदर पार, पूरे सात सात,
न दीदार तेरा, न हुई बात,
विरह की तड़प, न मुलाकात,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

मेरी छोटी छोटी बातों पर,
बिल्ली सा तेरा घुर्राना था अच्छा,
लगे लाख गुना इस सन्नाटे से,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

 

अब आ जा तू, बस आ जा तू,
मेरे सर पर हाथ फिरा जा तू,
कल आँख खुले, तू सामने हो,
लौट भी आ तू, बहुत हुआ अब।

Shallow Indians? Yoga Day Begging for International Approval

Ministry Of Ayush Beaming Faces!

So Yoga day which reverberated with Made In India, was rejoiced by Indians for setting 2 Guinness World Records. Am I the only one to notice the irony?

See the image on the left, Ministry of Ayush being handed over the Guinness certificates by a foreigner. This celebrated image reeks of approval that we are seeking from foreigners. 

What is Guinness Book of Records after all? It’s a book, not made in India. It was started by a certain Hugh Beaver in London in 1955. He was owner of Guinness Brewery.  

So we are rejoicing to be part of a book conceived and published in London to mark our home grown Yoga. How shallow can we all go?

Shameful for Ministry of Ayush representatives to line up and collect the certification from some foreigner. They should have rejected it for Yoga Day at least. Given the itch for international approval, it’s too much to expect, I guess!

Baap of all ironies!

Yoga Day: More International than National?

First, I would commend PM and his team for giving an international event that is driven by India. With West ruling the roost with Valentines Day, Friendship Day, Fathers Day and what not, Yoga Day has done a lot to quench my Jingoism. This has also given NRI's bragging rights in front of their foreigner friends. With a lot of NRI support this is more than evident. Well I couldn't care less!

What a boon to malnourished people in India, this Yoga Day is. I am not saying that there is something wrong in Yoga Day, but it is one more of those events for the prospered. This is my fundamental issue with the Govt which we chose with such hopes. 

Swacch Bharat, Namami Gange, Yoga Day, all this is fine. I would have expected steps on war footing against Corruption, Poverty, Hunger and basic standard of living. It is not forthcoming; neither I see anything in the pipeline. How will proving to the world that India has given Yoga, help the poor Indians? 

We perceive it as wrong priorities of the Govt. We are missing the point. What is a Govt? Govt is made up of people. People from among us. These people have a power to influence other people, hence have been able to become representative of others. Why believe these people are good? They can be bad too. They want to earn money. And then some more. They want to get fame and be revered by all. And then some more. They want to be praised nationally and internationally. And then some more.

I am not against Yoga Day, but first lead a war cry against Hunger, Poverty, Corruption and provide basic decency to citizens in life and in death. I mean how hard can it be? Given elections require a huge amount of money that comes from few big Industrialists, this might be a Utopian Dream. Till then dance in the jingoism of International Yoga Day.

Chinese Dog eaters: Hypocrites rest of the world!

Disclaimer: I don’t eat non-veg. But I don’t keep an opinion on those who eat.

Innocent!

I was watching episodes of Master Chef Australia/America where animals, all chopped up and being referred to as protein, were being used to display culinary skills. From lamb to chicken to goat to cow to duck to rabbit, all alike. 

Then I read about Western revolution to ban Yulin dog eating festival in China. Something  didn't seem to add up. How eating one animal is divine while eating other one is devilish.

Well, the only reason I came up with is, it’s an insane world we live in. Top 10 countries according to meat consumption in lbs/person/year are listed as below (2005)

S No.	Country	lbs/person/year
1	Luxembourg	315
2	Hong Kong	296
3	United States	279
4	Australia	259
5	Austria	240
6	Spain	238
7	Cyprus	230
8	New Zealand	229
9	Denmark	222
10	Ireland	222

Am I not innocent?

Surprisingly these are among the countries that are most vocal against the Yulin festival. It’s not that these are the only countries. A lot of Chinese people are also against this custom.

Am I not innocent?

My only argument is, be a Gandhi before you preach. Absolve yourself of sins before calling the other person a murderer. I really don’t understand the hypocrisy. I don’t understand the difference. 

I agree that people who steal other people’s pets should be prosecuted. But more than that is just one-upmanship. It’s like You are more cruel than I am, You are bigger thug than me.

 Up to some point I can understand vegetarians protesting against meat eaters. Though I again leave it to personal choice. But one flesh eater pointing finger at other flesh eater is beyond my understanding.

I know a lot of people will backlash against my view. To those people I just want to say one thing. I couldn't care less about hypocrites. 

Ola going the Nestle way: Degrading Quality

I used to admire Ola a lot. A start-up that solved the commuting headache of evolving India. I have used Ola in metro cities Mumbai, Delhi and have admired their service. Nice ride, with informed drivers. Ola service centre provided good guidelines to the drivers which I think helped them to service customers.

However what I faced recently in Agra, was a very bad experience. I called a cab. A very old and bad looking cab came to pick me up. "How does looks matter. I just need a ride", thinking this, I got in the cab. Now the cab started shaking as the ride started. At the very first turn, driver hit a two wheeler which fell down and needed helping to picked up. I realized it was not the drivers fault, the brake was at fault. The car was so old, it was not in a position to run smoothly. Gates opened only on one side, AC was not cooling the cab.

Then came the next part, Driver asked me money for Diesel. I told him, I have recharged my Ola money and couldn't pay cash. Poor driver didn't understood what I was talking about. Apparently, cab belonged to some local heavyweight, who run 4-5 cabs with Ola and have hired drivers to drive his cars. This driver didn't know anything about how Ola cab worked. In fact I have to remind him to click "Start Journey" on his device after 500m or so. And he was like, "Sir kuch upar se de dena 500m ke, boss gaali dega warna".

Coming back to the diesel. He stopped the car and called his boss. He told that passenger won't pay cash and diesel is running out. "Aapne subah bas 3 litre dalwaya tha sir, aur paise bhi nahin diye aapne". I heard him telling his boss.

Anyway, a shaky ride with me praying at every turn ensued. As I was still to reach the destination, driver stopped again. "Aap yahin pe utar jao. Main aage nahin jaoonga. Boss yahin pe aake petrol bharwa dega. Mujhe dhakka nahin lagana". I told him that I won't argue with him. I will complain to Ola. "Aap jo bhi karo, kar lo. Meri gaadi nahin hai. Mujhe kya. Waise bhi yeh gaadiyaan Nisaar sahab ki hain. Unka kuch nahin kar sakte Ola waale. Saalon ko Agra mein Ola chalaani hai toh Nisaar sahab se panga Ola waalon ka baap bhi nahin le sakta. Agra mein Ola band karwa denge sahab".

I got down. Waited for a rickshaw for a while; Took the rickshaw and got to my destination.

I enquired further as to the root cause. The issue is lack of checks by Ola. People are buying old, debilitated cars for 50,000 bucks. They get 36,000 per month from Ola. Keep a driver @ 6000. Diesel for another 8000 bucks. Clear 22000/- profit per month. Since the cab is old, no burden of EMI's. I came to know such practice is rampant in Tier-2/3 cities like Agra, where they say, "Bas call aata haiOla se, koi check karne to aata nahin hai, ki kitni ghatiya car hai".

I say Ola has gone Nestle way because, Swiss company Nestle think of Indians as Poor people and apply different quality checks for Indian and Switzerland/US/UK. Same is being done by Ola. They are applying different standards and responses to Metros Delhi/Mumbai/Bengaluru and to Tier-2/3 cities. In a bid to expand, quality is being degraded.

I complained over the phone. Got a lot of apologies from call centre executive of Ola. They promised me refund. I asked them I don’t need the refund. I want to know when they will ban such cabs and improve quality checks. Otherwise it's a tragedy waiting to happen with such gundaism.

Lalit Modi, Sushma Swaraj saga: Who said what and What they really meant

Disclaimer: This post is an art of fiction, laced with humour and should be read accordingly.

Time is a great leveller. The Lalit-Sushma saga that has been unfolding has brought a lot of people riding on morally high horse, thrashing to the ground. Like all of you, I have been following the story, given a lot of free time I have! A lot of people has given a lot of statements over last few days. 

Obviously they were camouflaging the real statements. Let's try and find out what they really meant. 

1. Sushma Swaraj: 

What she said?

I took a humanitarian view. What benefit did I pass on to Lalit Modi - that he could sign consent papers for surgery of his wife suffering from Cancer ?

What she really meant?

Phas Gayi ri Sushma. Thought Lalit Modi was some relative of Narendra Modi. Ek Modi ne Minister banaya. Doosra le dooba. A lot of people are dying in India. Lot's of slum dwellers right here in Delhi. I am happy that their slums are demolished. No humanitarian consideration for them. But Modi is the new Gandhi. All should know. 

2. Rahul Gandhi:

What he said:

Who is Lalit Modi? He is man of black money. Now Narendra Modi ji is saving another Modi. BJP can say all they want to, but the truth is that PM is saving a man with black money.

What he really meant:

Everyone who cut my holiday short, have to bear the brunt now. And I really don't know Why is Lalit Modi? Please help me out here. I don't even know what black money is, I only know black coffee. They handed me a script and I just read it. Waiting for next foreign holiday...

3. Rajnath Singh:

What he said:

We want to make it clear that whatever she has done is right. We justify it and the government completely stands by her.

What he really meant:

Bhad me Jao Sab ke Sab. Mere beta toj jaise taise bach gaya. Abki baar, Sushma ki Haar. I am least interested in all this. My post has anyways be made ceremonial by Modiji. Do whatever you want to do. I am too old for all this now.

4. Digvijay Singh:

What he said:

I want to ask the Prime Minister, I want to ask finance minister, why are they keeping quiet? Is he a fugitive? We want to know?

What he really meant:

I want go ask God, "Why Rahul Gandhi...Why...What mistake have I done"? I want to ask Sonia Gandhi, why she brought Rahul to the world? Is he really human? We want to know? Uh...My Son got married...now time for me to get married. Yay!

5. P. Chidambaram:

What he said:

The complete answer to Mr Lalit Modi's accusations against UPA can be found in the letters to the UK Chancellor. Release them.

What he really meant:

I retired knowing that I won't be re-elected. I walk fast and look busy, it keeps from knowing how dumb I am. I got a zero in Economics 101 in exam. What else could I give the country. I myself lost crores in share market. And they wonder why economy was ruined!. Ha...ha.

6: Lalu Yadav:

What he said:

Sushma Swaraj is a woman. She should not be pestered over the issue. Political parties should not pester her more.

What he really meant: 

Ei toh saala hona hi tha. Ab chara kha ke gobar hi niklega, sona toh nahin niklega. She is a woman, don't pester her. I am a senior citizen. Don't pester me too. Waise bhi bahut preshan hoon, budbak!

7: Ram Gopal Yadav:

What he said:

Political parties often help people on humanitarian grounds. Sushma Swaraj has a long outstanding political career. Why will she take a favour from Lalit Modi?. It was totally on humanitarian grounds.

What he really meant: 

My minister got a reporter burnt alive. Central Govt. hasn't yet asked for details. You should know why. Tu meri kuhja, mein teri khujaoon! We also need the help on same humanitarian grounds to sustain the Jungle Raaj!

8. Sharad Pawar:

What he said:

I bumped into Lalit Modi while having lunch at a London restaurant three-four weeks ago. I told him he should come back to India and face the law. 

What he really meant: 

What a bump that was. Like a bump caught! Junta is fool. They have believed my nonsense all this time. They will believe this too. I bumped into Lalit Modi in the big London city while having Lunch by chance. They will also believe that I advised him to face the law. They will also believe I am the Queen of England

9. Arun Jaitley:

What he said:

Swaraj’s decisions were bonafide and she acted in good faith. The entire government and party are one on the matter. The minister is capable of taking decisions on her own. When she needs to seek government approval she will do that.

What he really meant:

Foreign relations have improved faster than the economy. She was edging past me in performance. Good riddance! Goverment and party is together on the conclusion that She has taken her the decision all alone. So please humko baksho.

10. Kirti Azad:

What he said:

#BJPs #AsteenKaSaanp & #Arnab conspire against BJP leaders. Guess the snake? IStandWithSushmaSwaraj @SushmaSwaraj

What he really meant: 

Because of Jaitley, I couldn't rise in Cricket Administration. I stand with anyone who is against Jaitley. Waise bhi mujhe kuch bhi bolne ki aadat hai. Meri sunta hi kaun hai!

Delhi Law Minister arrested: Time for Courts to pitch in?

The row between Delhi Government and Central Government has been going on since the Delhi Government took charge. Most of it stems from the different interpretations of Constitution from Kejriwal and Modi.

Currently ACB (Anti Corruption Bureau) seems to be the bone of contention with both Kejriwal and Modi want to get a hold over it for whatever interests. Kejriwal says it is being done by Modi to shield the corrupt. While Modi's side says they have constitutional authority on ACB. 

With the arrest of Delhi Law Minister, this has risen to absurd level. Fake degree cases have been lodged against Mrs. Smriti Irani and Mr. Ramshanker Katheria, well known BJP names. Selective and targeted arrest of Law Minister raises a lot of eyebrows. The same BJP which accused Congress of vested interest by staying silent on Modi visa row and not honouring elected CM, is going the Congress way. 

My sympathies are all will AAP on this. Let the Delhi Goverment function. We are all aware of rampant corruption in BJP own MCDi in Delhi. I agree 1 year is too short for Modi to clean all of it. No fault to him. But if someone is trying to sweep of corruption, Modi should take this as a support to his cause. Modi's priority lies to BJP or the country? The lines seems blurred.

I think it's time for Hon'ble Supreme Court to take suo moto and solve this Constitutional crises. Court can once and for all give proper guidelines and a better interpretation of Constitution.

The CNG witness scam is the current issue. Kejriwal wants to get it probed. Some vested interest clearly don't. At least that's what I make of it as an informed citizen. I am pained to see BJP going the Congress way. I was equally pained when Akhilesh Yadav squandered the promise. I was equally pained when Rahul Gandhi after nuclear deal high, felt silent when country was looted.  

This was not what I expected of BJP. A big question mark on Modi and his anti-corruption rant.

Opinion of a Modi fan on Delhi issue

There doesn’t seem to be an end to BJP going the BJP way. What I mean is getting hit wicket. When all seems to be working fine, Modi is gaining applauds for his work. Governance has been restored. 

Why is BJP hell bent on running itself out. Advaniji once famously said, “BJP can only be hit wicket. No one can bowl us out”. This was pre-2004 when BJP was shining.

Even after burning its fingers, Why is BJP repeating the same in Delhi. Such confrontation with an elected Delhi Government, people are not taking too well. Just like the back-channelled approaches to form Govt. earlier, BJP is trying to do the same. Advaniji graciously backed Shiela Dixit Govt. in transfer posting of officers, as the will of elected CM needs to be respected. But Modi/Amit Shah seems not to be in mood.

The plan is to get AAP Govt. to fail by whatever means. I have said earlier also, Congress used to hide behind logics like “Constitutional Authority”, “Let’s talk civil” and look what happened to it. Votes of today don’t care how/what politicians utter (only Media seems to care about it). We care about work. Deeds more than words. 

Modi’s advisors have wrongly advised him on Delhi issue. Since I have been a Modi fan, this feels more painful. I urge PM to stop it. I can agree if this was done for stopping corruption or benefit of Delhi. But priorities seem to lie anywhere else. Why worry about strengthened ACB? Why worry about CNG Fitness scam? Looks like BJP has compromised with corruption at some level. 

I genuinely hope Modi steps in and root this evil. I hope Modi is still taller than BJP.

Maggi: Misguided Finger Pointing

Okay, so Maggi is in the eye of the storm these days. My Maggi. Let me first do some prediction. Maggi will keep on being sold. Nothing will happen to it. The tide will stem, just like it happened with Cola’s. People will be paid and sweetened, and tests will pass.

The issue I want to discuss is News Channels questioning celebrities’ culpability in all this. The celebrities who endorsed the product. I agree, they should be to some extent, as they aided in fooling people to buy the product. But what these news channels conveniently forget is they too aired the same advt. And hence are equally culpable in fooling us.

If celebrities are made a party, then all the TV channels, news papers, each and every one involved in promotion and marketing should be made a party. Limit of absurdness, right? Well so is making celebrities a party. If they are endorsing an illegal product, I can understand the blame. But when Govt. agencies themselves certified it earlier, how does anyone, including celebrities, News Channels know? We all were fooled not by Maggi, but by our own system.

Why haven’t we created a system yet, which catches such crimes sooner. Everyone who earlier signed off on the clearances to Maggie should be the first one to be taken to task. Nestle is a Swiss company, What better to be expected of them than to leach on gullible foreigners?

Most important is to create a system which is not fooled ever again. Not so easily.