Lies Within

Lie is defined by the Oxford dictionary as “to say something that you know is not true”. Going by this simple definition, it should not be very difficult to adhere to the childhood sermons of “not to lie”, should it? Your first guess might be a No, of course. But that’s not how the material world works. In fact let me be crude enough to say that we lie all our lives.

I was taught during the childhood that if you lie, you will go to hell. This in itself seems to be a lie. Have you ever been to a retail shop? “Are bhaisaab khareed kee rate de raha hoon. Do paise ka profit nahin hai isme. Isse kam doonga toh ghaate mein jaayega” (I am giving you at the purchase cost. Anything less and I will have to bear the loss). Do you really believe that the shopkeeper is telling the truth? “Khareed ki rate” (at purchase cost) Huh! He is lying all right. Given this assumption and the process of induction, hell should be one hell of a crowded place.

“A lie which does not hurt anyone, is not considered a lie” Now who the hell said that. Why did he say it? Why do we believe it? Mere rumors.

My problem is that I feel uneasy when lying. It doesn’t matter how innocent the lie is. There is this inner feeling that no one would believe me. It crept up from childhood when my parents used to take my elder sister’s word over me, always. That I used to lie most of the times, is a different matter altogether. But still they never believed my lie. Once my sister and I were playing and I broke the table lamp. When parents got home, we blamed one another. I was the one who was grounded. Tell me one thing; how the hell they knew who did really break the lamp. It was as if they disowned me. That was the feeling then. Now I know that they being parents know how to look beyond the words and through the eyes of their child. They know when the child is lying. Then again, it might be a pure guess work. Who knows?

Once you decide that you will never lie, it is bound to create social problems. Coz believe me, we live in The Matrix. People are so seasoned to hear lies all the time that the sound of truth is poison to their ears. Try telling your wife how fat she is. Just try. When parents ask their teenage child, Do you drink? Deep down they know that like all teenagers you would be trying stuff too. But it feels nice to hear. “No Pa”. They are not asking you to admit the truth. They just want you to lie. I try to avoid such questions with potential social disaster. I try and change the topic.

The most charismatic of all is the concept of witness stand in the court. They ask the witness to be sworn byGeeta to speak the truth and only the truth. All of us including Geeta herself know very well that this concept no longer holds a sacred place in our lives. Still we consider whatever a person is saying under oath, to be truth. This, when we don’t permit polygraph as evidence. Say the tests are correct 70% of the times. It would still be better than 0%. Try to understand the complexity here. By admitting whatever a person says under oath to be true and knowing that whatever he is saying is a lie, we are doing nothing but lying to ourselves.

The biggest form of a lie I believe is the one which we tell ourselves. “I will pay off the debt next month” You assure yourself by lying within. When you know there wouldn’t be any next month. It’s either today or no-day. “I can have one more drink. What’s the harm”? Deep down you know what the harm would be, but decide to convince yourself of a different truth.

Lying to others may affect your social standing and outlook of other towards you. But lying within distorts your own psyche. Sort of creates conflicting personalities. You can easily change your friends and the place you live in and do away with external sigma. However it’s not the same within. Lie to others as much as you want but try and sort out the inner truths.

Battered mAnimals

There is a saying “Man by nature is a social animal”. I agree with the animal part at least, can’t say much about being social. Then again, I might be wrong. Recently I read in a newspaper that now women can also be booked under domestic violence charge. How liberating! One field which we men considered our monopoly has been taken away. What are we without the rage, the anger, the violence? Anyways, I don’t think any of the men will come forward with such a complain Coz in our society what place is there for a man who has been domesticated violently by a woman and needed law to save him.

To be true Men have been subjected to domestic violence for long. Despite this and the fact that most of the lawmakers have been men, why was such an initiative never taken earlier? The answer is the male ego. It’s very hard for us to concede that we could be subjected to violence, that too by a woman. After all We are the boss, aren’ we?.

This leads me a critical question. Who really is the boss of the family? Most of us would answer, The Male. Well you wouldn’t be far from truth. Man is looked upon as the provider and the face of the family, The Head. The child is known by his father’s name. It’s always been Mr. X and his family. Mr. X comes first and the family tags behind.

Has it been so from the inception? Well this took me to some digging. And the answer lies from where I started. Man being an animal. In earlier times, humans used to live in “groups” for fear of being attacked by animals, we being lot weaker than others. Just like animals today, there was no bondage of a male and a female for life. Everyone slept with everyone. So you see, it was never quite clear who the father of the child was? So child was known by the name of the mother and was fathered by most of the group males. The female was the lead and the most powerful. She was looked upon as one who took the group forward by providing offspring, The Provider. Gathering food, taking care of protection of the group were mere laborious.

With time humans prospered. They stopped being gregarious and Man being stronger felt to show supremacy. One man-One Woman concept became vogue. Child now had a uniquely identifiable father, could be named after him. Man became the lead, the head.

So evidently it’s the offspring who decides who the boss is. Earlier offspring could be identified by the mother, so female was the head, now it could be identified by the father, so male is the boss. So in effect the saying that, “Child is the father of Man” takes precedence here too.

P.S: To all those fellow men who have been victims of domestic violence, do visit, Battered Men.