Tax Slabs Unchanged: A welcome change

Finance Minister has kept tax slabs unchanged this budget 2015-16. Disagreeing with the popular notion, I welcome this. I’ll tell you why.

It goes back to the root question, “What do we expect of our Govt.?” For me personally, I expect my life to get better. Public amenities to get better, Traffic situation to get better, Better Roads, Better Air, Affordable Housing. I expect to retire early and save enough for leisure. For me none of these wishes are granted by easing of Tax-Slabs. A few thousand rupees extra in my pocket seems nothing but a bribe.

Yes BRIBE. It feels like Govt. throwing bones to a dog. Something like, “We won’t do anything to give you a better quality of life, but here, I am throwing few thousand bucks to you. Lap it up and shut up. Vote for me the next time too”. For me it’s nothing better than a MNREGS like subsidy. I am totally against it.

Hence I commend FM. Thanks for not throwing bones to me and bribing me. Hope you utilize the tax I pay to give me what I want in the long run. Let future FM’s too hear this loud and clear. Don’t try and buy my integrity and my vote. Create sustained resources. Give me the nation of my dreams.

सच है

दिल में उठा है दर्द सा कुछ,
रह रह कर के आता है,
सह सह कर के जीता हूँ,
हाँ ये सच है, मैं पीता हूँ।

भुन्नैटा सा यह जीवन क्यों,
सपने धरे सब, ज्यों के त्यों,
ख्वाइश तोड़-२ के सीता हूँ,
हाँ ये सच है, मैं पीता हूँ।

चहुँओर मेरे है हलचल सी,
पगला सा हूँ मैं देख रहा,
लो हाथ रख गीता पे कहूँ,
हाँ ये सच है, मैं पीता हूँ।

आँखें भर आती जब-तब,
मेरे हाथ भी कापें जाते हैं,
बोझ ये कब तक मैं सहूँ,
हाँ ये सच है, मैं पीता हूँ।

अपना जिसको माना था,
दिल था जिसके नाम किया,
समेटता मैं वही फजीता हूँ,
हाँ ये सच है, मैं पीता हूँ।

सब फुर्ती फुर्र हुई मेरी,
चाहते हैं भागूं खूब तेज,
इंसान हूँ, न मैं चीता हूँ,
हाँ ये सच है, मैं पीता हूँ।

वाद-विवाद न करना अब,
ठान लिया बस ठान लिया,
उलझन सारी अब सुलझा दूँ,
हाँ ये सच है, मैं पीता हूँ।।

The Apathy of General Class

This weekend I was travelling by train. I had a slight argument with train attendant. According to him, “Bedsheets don’t belong to railways, they belong to me”. I didn’t completely understand why he said so; have raised this query with railways, which I know would go unanswered.

Since rail budget is round the corner, I would like to touch upon a topic that has been neglected year after year. The General Class compartment. According to a news report around 2.3cr people travel by trains daily. Out of them around 1.5cr travel by General Class. Tectonic 65%, around the same as total voter percentage last General Elections.

Whilst train fares have been increased time and again, the situation of General Class Compartment has not improved. Wooden seats, People fighting a war to get inside. All of you would have seen long lines, manned by policemen, waiting to get inside the train. Those lines are to get inside the General Compartment.

Whenever you feel things are not going well in your life, imagine the apathy of people in General Compartment, you will stop complaining. 65% figure does not mirror Govt.’s priorities. I see hardly 3-4 General Compartments whenever I travel.

I would have expected 65% Compartments to be of General Class in trains, Alas! It’s not the case. Well, Democracy works differently in theory and in practice.

My Savior: Maharaja of Mysore

“Mysore finally has a new Royal Head”. Poof! I was near death in recent months, as to the future of Mysore. Now that we have heir apparent, I can put my worries to rest.

How shameless is our society that still celebrates such people. Bloodline who leeched the last drop off poor people. Bloodline who dined with British. Bloodline who slept in vast palaces, when people all around were dying of hunger. More shameful is to see Govt. representatives lining up to attend such ceremonies. Anyways from a nation which reveled in calling Nehru ‘RajaSahib’, what more could be expected.

In  a nation that queues up outside foreign embassies for Visa; Where a NRI groom is a jackpot; Where Income Tax raid is taken as a status symbol rather than a shame; Where Damadji, Jijaji rule the roost; Where handful of political and industrial families have corrupted the system so beyond repair; Where Govt. change but farmer suicide continues; Where hunger forces common man to learn to live without self-respect, this doesn’t come as a surprise.

I would have loved to see such ceremonies being banned. If not banned then such people being publicly shamed and shunned. But no, we revel in royalty, pledge our allegiance to it and also feel good about it.

However when I see chaiwaala, mufferwaala as PM and CM, I feel all is not lost. My hope in the nation’s resilience stays alive.

Devil and the Deep Sea: Land Ordinance

Bachelors crave to get married; Married crave for Bachelorhood. Children want to be ice-cream salesman; Ice-cream salesman wants to be child again. People in India want to go onsite; Onsite Indians long to come back. To cut the analogy short, perspectives change when we cross over. This sums up the Indian Govt’s predicament. Tables seem to have turned.

While Delhi defeat was just a hindrance, the Land Acquisition ordinance is turning out to be real thorn in the flesh. I have no doubt that PM believes changes to the bill are necessary for long term growth, the problem is how to explain it to voters.

As per general opinion, newspapers, TV/Nukkad debates, Govt. is coming out as a villain in this whole episode. And who knows better than Modi that it is all about perceptions. It’s a fact that farmers of this country voted en masse for Modi during general elections (also during Haryana and Maharashtra). In a country like India which is in election mode round the year any misstep will lose you an election somewhere or the other.

Given the track record of successive Govt.’s on land acquisition, farmers are right in being sceptical. I read that even the people who lost their land when Bhakra Nangal Dam was build, haven’t been compensated fully till date. I agree that land is required to set up industry, which in turn provides job. But to do so by alienating people is not a way forward.

Instead of simply doing away with certain provisions of social impact study, approaching court and making thekisaan of India feel uncomfortable, what Govt. should have done is to incorporate such provisions which make farmers sell their land happily. Raising x2/x4 to x10 could be such a thing.

When a farmer sells his land for 100/- and an year later some industrialist re-sells the same land for 1,00,000/-, farmer has the right to feel cheated. Steps should be taken so that farmers earn dividend on the appreciation of the land price too. 25% share to the original owner of appreciation, if land is sold/sub-let by the acquiring party could be another such provision.

It’s too hard to predict how next few days will unravel, but one thing is sure, it is going to be mighty hard for BJP to convince farmers to vote for the party. At least for near future.

Mother Teresa: The Controversy

A recent remark by RSS chief on Mother Teresa and her missionary work has caused huge uproar across the country. Since Mother Teresa is generally considered an epitome of charity, the statement was bound to cause the ripples.

I decided to do some reading into whether she was involved in conversion or not. What was the real motive of her service? However I left my reading midway. A more emotive issue struck me. Why do people convert?

As I understand any invasion by a ruler of different faith brings with itself forced/induced conversions. It happened with Mughals and British alike with different degrees.

The real reason that came across to me was caste system in India. When we do not allow people of certain caste to enter temples, use common wells and subject them to any and all humiliation in the book, they tend to lose faith in the God they believe in. A ready dose of a different religion and a different God rapidly moves in to fill the void. By the time Hindu leaders (Entirely Upper Caste), understood this, the phenomenon had already spread.

At the same time, let’s not run away from the fact that primary mission of Christian Missionaries is to spread their religion. They find a ready market in the downtrodden and neglected sections of society. It’s a different matter altogether that nothing changes for such poor people in reality. While one religion makes them untouchables, the other religion neglects them once the aim to convert is achieved.

My request to Hindu Leaders would be to make sure caste system is eradicated and anyone who still practices it is thrown out of the religion. And my request to Christian Missionaries would be to stop carrying the White Men’s Burden and work for the downtrodden without asking them to convert.

Kaun Hai Yeh Vikaas?

Since 9 months of Modi Govt are over, people of India have been doing rounds of Birth Registration offices across India to look if Vikaas has been born or not. Okay Bad Joke.

A lot of things doing round on social media and people are seriously looking for Vikas. Kaun Hai Yeh Vikaas?

I received a message on my Whatsapp, “Modi Sarkar ke 9 Maheene Poore, Kejriwal CM Ho gaya. Kahin Kejriwal hi toh Vikaas Nahin?”. When Kiran Bedi said, “My name is Vikaas Bedi”. People got confused. But then she lost and that debate was nipped in the bud.

Top detectives of India took it into their hands to find out who Vikaas is. Below are the excerpts from when they met.

ACP Pradyumn: Chupp ke baitha hai yeh Vikaas. Kuch toh Gadbad hai Daya. Kuch toh Gadbad hai. Aakhir chupp ke kyon baitha hai yeh Vikaas? Kya zaroorat padi isko chupp ke baithne ki? Har darwaja tod ke dekhna padega (Finger swirling).

Karamchand: Shut up Kitty. Ahem Pradyumn. Yeh bhi koi sawaal hua. Swaal toh yeh hai, ki kya sahi mein yeh Vikaas hai ya behroopiya hai? Is Vikaas ke mukhaute ke peeche Kaun hai? Kitty…Kitty.

Byomkesh Bakshi: Mujhe toh lagta hai ki Koi Vikaas-Bikaas tha hi nahin. Ajit, yahi asal baat hai. Par phir bhi sab Vikaas ka naam baar baar le rahe hain. Is rahasya ki jad tak jaane ke liye humein gawahon se ek baar phir baar karni padegi.

All three of them went to talk to the witnesses.

Tumne dekha hai Vikaas ko?

Witness 1: Nahin Maalik. Humein toh nahin dekha. Suna bahut tha. Gaye bhi they haspataal hum toh. Doctor sahib ko bhi nahin pata hua ki nahin.

Witness 2: Kal ekdum aisa laga ki Vikaas chilla raha hai door. Bahut dhoondha. Bas awaaj hi sunayi di. Kaunoo pishaach laage.

Enter The Muffler Man.

Mufflerman: Arey ab bhi nahin samjhe. Yeh Vikaas Chunavi Jumla tha ji. Chunavi Jumla.

Akbar-Birbal jodi: He…He.

Popat

Disclaimer: All names and places are real. Nothing has been altered as the target is to make fun of people involved.

How to define Popat? Well its a situation when someone has a bad experience which seems hillarious to others. We call it iska toh popat ho gaya.

Let me relate an incident. A couple of my friends were going to a collegaues wedding. They had a train to cath from mumbai. One of them came from Pune. They were all set to catch train from Mumbai Central.

Their train was at 11:45 in the night and they discussed plans to gulp a beer or two at Marine drive before proceeding to Central which is 10 mins away from there.

The fun was their train was from LTT which is quite far even for late night roads. Had they reached Central and would come to know of the goofup, we could say ki Popat ho gaya.

Hope this makes the meaning and usage clear. Poor chaps would be left licking their wounds, while we audience would be discussing and writing blogs and making fun at their expense.

Unfortunately fate intervened and a third party (me) who shared the wassapp group on which this discussion was going on pointed out the obvious. So popat hone se bach gaya.

Office Office

Beings of different breed,
With no cast, color and creed,
Each having his own history,
Such is my office story.

Leg pulling and making fun,
Speak whatever, given a spun,
Sarcasm in all its glory,
Such is my office story.

One is stud by the books,
And another just for the looks,
A marriage, yes yes, notory,
Such is my office story.

There is a property fanatic,
Few interested in market share,
On surface all hunky dory,
Such is my office story.

One fellow is persona satisfied,
Another sits with tongue tied,
Output less, more inventory,
Such is my office story.

One brings food for everyone,
There is one, hair getting none,
A finger pointed, laugh & merry,
Such is my office story.

One guy feels always in dumps,
Near to him, never fails to pump,
Failing to realize, is temporary,
Such is my office story.

More same than they different,
Neither enemies, nor best friend,
All riding same breakless lorry.
Such is my office story.

Murud Beach: Unchartered Heaven

I have had a chance to spend a couple of days at Murud Beach, near Mumbai. It was a weekend well spent.

It is around 4.5 hrs from Mumbai by road. Though there is a break journey ferry-bus route too. We reached around 11 in the morning and checked in ‘The Nest Bamboo House’. The resort is on the beach and has cottages only. The place made an instant impression on me and I was all in. We had breakfast, lunch, dinner on the beach itself and it was quite good.

Comparison with Goa would be unfair. Murud is a unique experience in itself. No hullabaloo, no rush. Virgin Beaches to explore. We eat Veg and there were ample options available. The resort I mentioned is one of the best place available on the beach.

There are lots and lots of coconut trees in the resort compound (which is just elevated extension of the beach) and ample hammocks to lie down and relax. Thats exactly what I did. Took a novel and forgot the world.

Unique thing is that water recedes as the day progresses. By late afternoon, more and more beach becomes visible and water recedes good 100mts. Unique nature of sand, makes horse riding on the beach feasible. You will find paragliding, four wheeled bikes, carts, horse ride, water activities also on the beach.

It is still not fully commercialized and gives you feel of Goa of the old. Highly recommended if you want to relax with family.

An Open Letter to Narendra Modi

Sir,

I write this letter from the deepest of respect that I have for you and for the PM of India.

I am one of the millions who used to lap up all your speeches. Often hopping news channels one by one to hear the same speech again and again and again. Fighting hard with your detractors and trying to convince them of you. And I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Today I am a bit cofused as to the viability and authenticity of those speeches and whether those hours went down the drain for me. I wonder if I should have put all that time to some other use. Sir, I kindof feel swindled. Here’s Why.

1. Naturally Corrupt Party: When you raised the pitch, we echoed the sentiment. Everyone knows what NCP has done (not) for farmers and what is the root cause of farmer suicides. When you chided Chacha-Bhatija, we all smiled. Ghadi ke 10 se 10 and what not. Now you share stage with the same Naturally Corrupt and praise him. Your party president invites the same Naturally Corrupt to his son’s lavish wedding reception. I am befuddled as were those speeches a facade or what?

2. Don’t know how much black money: Over black money I understand it can’t be brought back over night. And I don’t expect that. During your speeches you cited figures of how much black money is abroad. But after the uproar post your UPA-3 inaction and Supreme Court reprimand, you went on Mann ki Baat and backtracked. You said you don’t know how much black money is out there. I again feel those hours I should have given to better work. Your chief says it was just chunavi-jumla and you say nothing to disregard him. How can I listen to another speech now?

3. Damadji: You went hammer and tong against Damadji. Of how he got undue benefits. Of how is name is at airport list of VIP’s. Of how the whole machinery is at his foot. We saw a ray of hope. Now Damadji will be behind bars. 9 months on and Damadji is still out. His name still on the list. I wonder was that also chunavi-jumla or your partymen not let you put him behind bars? As you might not be but a lot of people from your party and their kith and kin are no less privileged than Damadji and might face retribution from Congress Govt in distant future. Why I listened to those speeches still aches me.

4. Sabka Saath Sabka Vikaas: I doted on you when you said that. No appeasement, No arrogance. But you don’t say a word against your MP’s who blatantly say otherwise. The regressive and devisive odour is in the air. We can smell it, why can’t you? Was Sabka was just part of speech and nothing else? Was I a fool to have tuned in to those?

You might have had your reasons, one can be to become PM. It’s your prerogative. But what should I do now, who stands cheated. I implore you to keep my faith intact. Be the PM that mirror your speeches. Till then I am afraid I will switch off to any more of it.

Heartfully Sorry,
Arpit Garg

Mind Games

I met a friend of mine today after a very long time. However we hit it off like yesterday. Now this friend is a person with extraordinarily high IQ. He is a genius but like with all of them he has a problem. He tends to micro analyse things.

He don’t know when to let go of things. He will keep thinking about incidents in his life from a factual perspective. You can’t find a fault in his analysis per say. But what he fails to understand is, we don’t need to do it always. If we have a quarrel with our brother, we should hug it off the next day. But his brain works differently. He will analyse the quarrel to find the root cause and in turn will never talk to his brother.

If you talk to him, you will be mighty impressed by his reasonings. They are theoretical and hence very difficult to be punctured. He will let himself suffer because his brain tells him he is right.

Such mindgames that he plays with himself, hurts no one but him. I hope with time he realizes that being happy is more important than the concept of right or wrong. Hope he loses with himself in these games of mind.

My Valentine

With red rose in a hand,
I ask thee on one knee,
Raising a toast of wine,
Will you be my Valentine?

Perfumes so odour sweet,
Pray O heavenly beauty say,
I am at service of thine,
Will you be my Valentine?

Ground that treaded thee,
I collect as a souvenir,
Sweep it with broom so fine,
Will you be my Valentine?

I look at you fixated,
From mornings bright,
Till night strucks nine,
Will you be my Valentine?

Will be there for you always,
Won’t buzz off now and then,
Persistent like flu of swine,
Will you be my Valentine?

Hope to grow old with you,
Wrinkle for a wrinkle come,
And look like a fruit of pine,
Will you be my Valentine?

Himalayas high, Forest deep,
Searched love me everywhere,
You answer to prayer of mine,
Will you be my Valentine?

Why BJP lost Delhi?

More than the AAP victory, I consider this BJP’s loss. Delhi was with Modi and yet somehow it was lost. What happened?

1. 7 month > 1.5 month: BJP kept harping on 49 days AAP Govt but did nothing for Delhi in 7 months they ruled indirectly via Centre.

2. LG the puppet: You would remember BJP people raising hue and cry on AAP for raising fingers on LG. LG is constitutional post. Let LG call us first etc. This used to be the Congress line. People of Delhi saw that and decided to teach them a lesson.

3. Black money: Lethargy over black money. People elected BJP not to form SIT and gloat, they did so that black money is brought back. No out of the box acts by Govt to bring back black money did it in.

4. Communal Tension: Unlike in Lok Sabha election, Hindu vote didn’t get polarized. Attacks on churches, communal statements by BJP leaders and silence of Modi was too much to handle for people.

5. Acche Din: The promise was of instant relief and people wanted just that. Nothing changed on the ground and Modi was not able to communicate to people that he required more time.

6. Arrogance: I wrote recently that arrogance shown by BJP spokespersons was just like the one shown by Congress people in the past. BJP took people for granted in their arrogance.

7. Bad mouthing: Bad mouthing a good man like Kejriwal didn’t help. People were angry with Kejri for running away. But they still considered him a good person. Bad mouthing him like Modi did in Maha, Haryana and Jharkhand was not accepted by people.

8. UPA 3: BJP has started to turn into UPA 3. Crony capitalism continues. Loot of country continues. Kejriwal was able to bring home this point.

9. Bedi: Though not a major reason. Opportunist Bedi drove away whatever voters were left with BJP.

Haaoo Haaoo

Whenever my wife argue with me, I dodge the situation by saying, ‘Haaoo Haaoo’ (How How in UP dialect). “You don’t do a single chore”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You forgot my B’day”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You don’t love me anymore”; Haaoo Haaoo.

It is sort of asking her to elaborate on the reasons. But real motive is to turn frown into a smile. A lot of tense situations can be diffused by such simple gestures. No escalations. All of us know this very well but choose to act otherwise. We fight argument with counter-argument. Insinutaion with insinuation. It does nothing but makes matters worse.

Munnabhai movie depicts a nice way of Jaadoo ki Jhappi (magical hug). Nothing better to diffuse a situation.

Never escalate a situtation, specially not at home. If you don’t agree with me, I would just say, Haaoo Haaoo.

American Sniper: Need for such Jingoistic Movies

Consider a scene. Soldiers from another country are all over your city. They shoot, they loot, they ravage. You burn with anger. Your husband killed, your parents killed. You find a bomb and decide to avenge their death. You run towards the incoming soldiers. Just then a sniper takes a shot and a bullet pierce through your skull. Sniper rejoice and calls you, “Evil Bitch”.

I am sure patrotic people from snipers country would have clapped during this scene in the movie. I would have clapped too if sniper was Indian and evil bitch was from Pakistan. No point lying about it.

The point I like to discuss is the need for such Jingoistic movies. Do they sell wars to innocent citizens? Do they justify the aggression of army? Or are they mere exploitation of our patriotism by a filmmaker to mint money?

I remember swelling with pride during movie Border. When Sunny Deol was in full fury, I clapped. If I analyse these movies and try to pin them on a hidden agenda. My guess would be they help people morally come to terms with war. Humans are God fearing beings. Morally they cant justify killing other people.

So we try and attach patriotism when it comes to war. My country; Your country. We create separate aloof slaughter houses to kill animals for food. Can we make our child witness to a bufallo slaughter and tell him/her, this is where meat comes from?

I feel when killing is necessary for whatever reasons, we try and find a moral facade of a justification. It helps us sleep well.

Aamir, Modi, Bedi: Be Hero Once More

I would like to state at the onset, I have been and might well again be admirer of Aamir, Modi and Bedi at one time or the other.

Its sad to see the charisma shattered and idols exposed. How I cried with Taare Zameen Par and wanted to be Rancho with 3 Idiots. How I grew up answering Bedi’s name proudly in GK exams and telling tales about Indira and Crane. How I danced when Modi won and wiped a sweet tear post Madison Magic.

Hypocrisy thou art a bitch! You removed the cloak off Aamir. The one who dished out Delly Belly, didn’t shy away from giving gyan to others for similar act. I dont justify either of the two. But why show oneself holier than the cow? Why so arrogant? Why so hypocrite?

Modiji you rallied nation together against black money, corruption and preached Sabka Saath, Sabka Vikaas. We all stood behind you. I know people who considered you a father and might still do. Your silence when things were going opposite to what you said earlier, was deafening. Your comrades preached  about due process and proof while justifying inaction on black money. It should have been taken on war footing but you hid behind. Your people used LG in Delhi as a political tool, you said nothing. Your people went to town with communal agenda, you let it happen. Sorry Sir, I am not able to defend you now, though you might still defend your Govt.

Bedi. A study in somersault. Tweets after tweets u-turned. All ideologies put to dust. Why O Why? You said its your choice. But what should we do now? We common people who cheered alongside you during Anna agitation. We who learned your name from school-books. We stand betrayed. Maybe not by you but by our own imagination.

My heroes are tarnished. How I wish they redeem themselves. How I would love to see them doing what they preach. How I would love to say ‘You my Hero’, once more.