Munna ki Shaadi

Everyone has some childhood memory which tend to bring smiles. For me it would be “childhood rhymes”. One which I sang the most, enjoyed the most is the, “Munna ki Shaadi”. Try singing it fast, would enjoy better. Also if you can couple it with claps, pleasure would be supreme.

Bigg Boss: The Truman Show

For those who have watched Jim Carrey’s, “The Truman Show”, the Bigg Boss house too symbolizes the real world. Let’s see how.

Bigg Boss: He is the God, the almighty, the supreme. Members consider the decision of Bigg Boss their fate. They pray to their God to give them more food (budget) the coming week. They ask his forgiveness for any fault of theirs. They cry in the confession room. They get angry with him at times and as his children want him to be loving and caring.

Housemates: In this world we play various roles. Similarly the house mates take over different roles. Rahul becomes the toilet cleaner. Ketaki becomes the cook. Elina becomes the maid. Raja becomes the king. These roles are not allotted but are assumed.

Tasks: We all work to earn money, to get food. In the house too members perform a particular task to earn food for the coming week. If they fail, they don’t get paid that well and have to live with limited resources. This creates friction. ‘Coz scarcity of resources is the root cause of discontent and disruption. The work may not be what they wish to do. Still need to do it for living anyway.

Nominations: In real world we have friends and foes. We wish well for some and not so well for others. The nomination brings out the dark side. They want a person not be a part of their life anymore. They want the person they don’t like to leave the world. Simply they wish him to die. They pray to the God (Bigg Boss) to take their enemies away. They conspire to get rid of them.

Eliminations: The soul leaves the house. Bigg Boss decides to take a member away. A member goes out and only his memories remain. He is dead. The recurring elimination symbolizes that nothing is imperishable. Everyone has to die. Nature has to take its own course. The life continues.

सायोनारा: अलविदा सैंट पीटर्स

My farewell speech 12 Std, St. Peters College Agra, 2003.

कुछ बीती बातों का छोड़ रहा हूँ फव्वारा,
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दिल कि डायरी का है यह सार सारा,
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इस कविता में अपनी पहचान ख़ुद से है करारा यह बेचारा,
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सुबह घंटी बजने के ५ मिनट बाद नियमपूर्वक क्लास में है आरा,
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बिना पास के साइकिल स्टैंड वाले को दस रुपये का किया इशारा,
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बिन पॉलिश के जूतों और लंबे बालों को लिए क्लास में है घुसा जारा,
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डायरी न लाने पर एक दोस्त के कवर व बाकी से पन्ने लेकर असेम्बली में जाने की जुगाड़ है बिठारा,
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एडवर्ड सर की नजरों से बचने के लिए गंदे जूते पैंट से है घिसे जारा,
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छोटे कद का होकर भी असेम्बली की लाइन में सबसे पीछे है लगा जारा,
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प्रयेर के टाइम पे गर्लफ्रैंड के किस्से है सुनारा,
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नेशनल ऐनथम के दौरान अटेंशन में नहीं खड़ा हुआ जारा,
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‘गुड मोर्निंग टीचर’ को के.एल. सहगल के गीत की तरह है सुनारा,
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पहले ही पिरिएड में टिफिन का लिया चटकारा,
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चुपके से दूसरे कि बोतल से पानी है पिया जारा,
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लीव ऐप्लीकेशन न लाने पर जल्दी से मम्मी-पापा का साइन है किया जारा,
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बिना सिलेबस कि किताबों के भी नोविल्स के बोझ से बैग है फटा जारा,
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बोरिंग लेक्चर के बीच नींद में डूबा जारा और पकड़े जाने पर घिसा पिटा राग सुनारा,
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मॉरल साइंस के पिरिएड में फादर के संग ठहाके है लगारा,
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इंगलिश के पिरिएड में में मैथ का काम है किया जारा,
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मैथ का पिरिएड आने पर सिस्टर ऑफिस भागा जारा,
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एग्जाम से पहले बैठकर महनत से फर्रे है बनारा,
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टीचर के सिर को एरोप्लेन की लैंडिंग प्लेस है बनारा,
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चुन-चुन कर दूसरों पे रबड़ में फंसाकर बुलेट है बर्सारा,
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पंखे, ट्यूबलाईट और, बल्ब को चॉक का निशाना है बनारा,
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तबियत ख़राब होने का बहाना बनाकर घर को भगा जारा,
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फ़ुटबाल मैच में सामने वाले को धक्का देकर गिरारा और ख़ुद गिरने पर बाहर मिलने का न्योता देकर आरा,
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जूनियर साइड में नल की लाइन पर जाकर छोटे बच्चों को है हड़कारा,
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इंटरवल की घंटी बजने पर खिड़की से है कूदा जारा,
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कैंटीन में ५ रुपये में दो पैटी लेकर अपनी बुद्धि को है इतरारा,
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औरों की बर्थडे की ट्रीट खाकर अपनी बर्थडे के दिन स्कूल में न दिया नज़ारा,
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एब्सेंट होने पर रोज नया बहाना बनरा,
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कैंटीन की भीड़ में अपनी शक्ति का पूरा जोर दिखारा,
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दूसरे के बर्गर के चिथड़े कर फूले नहीं समारा,
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दो दोस्तों के बीच डब्लू.डब्लू.एफ करवाकर मंद-मंद मुस्करारा,
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क्लास से बंक मारकर पूरे स्कूल में गश्त है लगारा,
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पीछे बैठकर दोस्तों से गप्पें है लडारा,
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एग्जाम में आगे वाले को आन्सर बताने के लिए पटारा और न बताने पर उसे भूखे शेर कि तरह है घूरे जारा,
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केमिस्ट्री लैब में नाइट्रिक एसिड से घर की टकसाल के सारे सिक्के है चमकारा,
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विभिन्न रसायनों को मिला सतरंगी चित्र है बनारा,
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५ टी.टी  और दो बीकर तोड़ने की गाथा गर्व से पूरी क्लास को है सुनारा,
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फिजिक्स लैब में मरकरी कि गोलियाँ है बनरा,
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वहाँ के इन्सटरूमंट्स तोड़कर, उनके पहले से टूटे होने कि ख़बर सच्चाई से टीचर को है सुनारा,
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प्रोजक्ट टाइप करने के बहाने पूरा दिन कमप्यूटर लैब में ऐ.सी. के मजे है उड़ारा,
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मक्खन लगाकर सब टीचर्स का बनना चाह रहा दुलारा और दूसरों के मक्खन लगाने को सहन नहीं कर पारा,
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स्पोर्ट्स डे की शाम कॉरिडोर में बम्ब है छुड़ारा,
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और भड़ाम की आवाज आने पर सीना फूलकर दुगना हुआ जारा,
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एग्जाम टाइम में सब टीचर्स के पैर छूकर जारा,
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सेकंड क्लास की सीड़ियों से  “ग्रेट वाल पार आफ चाइना” के उस पार है झाँका जारा,
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स्कूल के अन्दर आने के रास्ते में बड़ा गेट आते ही स्पीड धीमी कर मुंडी है घुमारा,
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कम्बाइंड स्कूल सैलिब्रैशन के लिए १५ अगस्त का इंतज़ार है किया जारा,
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इन सब को याद कर बड़ी मुश्किल से हूँ में अश्रुधारा को रोक पारा,
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सैंट पीटर्स के गलियारों में दिल मेरा हारा,
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यहाँ है सब टीचर्स का स्नेह और फादर मैथ्यू का प्यार बहुत सारा,
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यहाँ है मानवता का फव्वारा,
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यह है मार्गदर्शक हमारा,
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येह है प्यार का गुलिस्तां हमारा,
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आज इन सब चीजों को कर रहा हूँ में सायोनारा
सायोनारा, सायोनारा, सायोनारा…
…अलविदा सैंट पीटर्स…

Can you dare? Long Hair

Finally I decided to go through with it. I don’t know about others but I don’t do it that often. However once in a while I do ignore my inner inhibitions and heed to the demand of this material world. We often hear “inner self is supreme”, “What you are within matters most”. If that’s so, why does every other guy in the town need to point “it” out to me? I usually don’t accede to the constant queries like, “Why are you not getting it done?” or suggestions such as, “I think you should get it done already”. For those who are wondering, I am talking about my poor hairs. I don’t understand why does the society go all out to bring them under the guillotine? I mean, “Why Why Why???”

Any sign of hairs outgrowing my ears and they would all gather into a pack of hounds that has find its new prey. It would start with the usual, “Poor chap seems busy, so much of office work, doesn’t get time for even a haircut” Brick by brick it would lead to, “Want to keep long hair, hmm…going fashionable?” Even before you can react to that, you are being called by names ranging from Zulfi to Hairdo to Girly. I remember one of my favorites. It was when Tera Naam released and my hairs were around five months old. One of my colleague started calling me Aashiq or something similar; and soon every other guy followed suit.

When the near and dear ditch you, why to lament of the strangers. It might be bitter but the truth is that the strongest resistance comes from the family. Leave aside parents who were supposed to react so, even theBua’s, Mami’s and Mausi’s make your life miserable. At first you try to laugh it off, later you try to dish out witty excuses. After some time you start dreading the family functions, where a bunch of deadly faces, salivating to the full, is waiting to devour you. One may reason that our society is a closed knit family…blah blah blah. I agree but why my poor hairs!!!

Recently when I was at home, fresh from college, all hell broke loose. It took some time for my parents to recognize me at station (or so they said). I don’t remember even a single relative who had not pricked me. High point came when I finally decided to go under the hammer. I was standing at paan bhandar near my ancestral house. The shopkeeper asked, “You seem like Shiv Bhaiyya’s son”. I nodded, “Yes, why?” His reply struck me really hard. “Nothing, I saw you last week. Wondered, what is Shiv Bhaiyya’s son doing roaming in a ponytail?” Earlier they were after me to get a cut. Now they have a new weapon ready, “Now that you have heeded to the advice, you look like a man”.

Lehman will be back

The speculations were going on since about a month. There were talks of possible stake sellout to complete buyout. People were quite optimistic though. It has been two months since I joined Lehman Brothers (India office) and four months since I received my B.Tech degree. I won’t say that the situation here is the first for me alone; it is the first for almost all of us here. When we saw Bear Stearns go down, it was like, “Oh! It’s not good. But we will sail through”. When it has come down to us, I know now how it feels like. It’s not that I am too much worried about a job or anything. A bit alright, but not much. After all, I am a recent college pass-out and that too from Computer Science. I hope to get a new job sooner or later. But still there is a sinking feeling deep down. After all guys, I might not come back to the job tomorrow.

I have seen anxious faces over the last few weeks amidst rumors of people being laid off in London and New York almost every other day. Nevertheless the professionalism here has been supreme. My managers, my seniors were trying to hold the forte, working 24×7 undeterred by the speculations. Even this past weekend, a lot of my colleagues worked 24×7 trying to sail past the inevitable. When the news of the failed talks started trickling in, anxious faces turned into “wtf!” to “what next?” Pagers and phones kept buzzing all through the day. The friends, family and old mates kept enquiring the Holy Grail. “What went wrong?” “Come’ on yaar!!! Even Richard Fuld would be wondering about that”. Having come to him, I must say that people here hold him in very high regard. Till the recent news, people were dead sure that Richard Fuld would pull it off. And even today, we all are sure; he had done what all he could do. We still believe that Lehman will be back sooner or later. Richard Fuld is not the one to go down so easily. The faith people have in him here is just next to what I had seen during my college days, when the whole college used to have such blind faith in our director GB Sir, IITG. The feeling of such solidarity must be felt to believe in.

I want to admit today that I have been a bit laid off although my life. Or at least last few years at college. I have let life take its own course putting in just the effort which was required of me. I and my friends who have joined Lehman recently are taking it as a blessing in disguise. We have faced such as scenario so early in our career. It would help us remain prepared for the future. Working with Lehman has been a nice ride. I have learnt a lot here. The employee base here is among the best what you can get.

I have just talked to my colleague in London who was calling it off for the day probably heading for the nearest pub. Well, we deserve at least a mug of Beer. After all it has been a hell of a day.

Six things that annoy me most in Bigg Boss

1. The irritating laugh of Rahul Mahajan. It sounds as if he is trying to pull off a gargling Santa.
2. Payal’s camera consciousness. Her constant reminders that one should not make a fool of oneself on National Television. God it’s almost a cliché, just 3 weeks down the line.
3. How Elina’s accent kinda changes, you (k)now when she switches from Hindi to English.
4. Sambhanvna trying to act decent sometimes, when we all including her know that’s not the case.
5. Another one of Payal’s clichés, “I am not some Bai” and “I am not from such low background”.
6. Shilpa trying too hard to act to be a host but failing miserably each Friday.

Tring…Tring…are you an idiot?

I received this call last week.

Caller: Hello, is this Hardhik Garg? not clear whether it was Hardhik or Karthik.
Me: May, I know who this is?
Caller: Hi, I am Shyamsundar. I am a pass out of IIT Guwahati. You are also from Guwahati naa Hardhik. I got your name and number from Satish Mittal. You might know him. He was from your batch.
Me: Arre, my name is Arpit. Yes, I know Satish.
Caller: Sorry Arpit. Actually I just talked to Satish over the phone. He was busy with a presentation. So couldn’t hear him clearly. By the way I am from ‘99 ECE batch.
Me: ’99 passout batch?
Caller: No ’99 joining batch. I passed out in ’03.
Me: Oh!
Caller: Yes, you and Satish would have joined a year later.
Me: Yes, exactly.
Caller: You might know Bora Sir, Gogoi Sir.
Me: Yes, I knew Bora Sir. Not remember about Gogoi Sir.
Caller: Well, I am in Mumbai right now. I came here with regard to my visa for Australia. I was travelling in local train when my wallet got lost.
Me: Oh God!
Caller: Yes and with it went all my cash, credit card, debit card.
Me: So you are out of cash right now. Guessing that’s why he had called.
Caller: Yes. That pretty much the case. I called Satish for help. He was busy in office. I know how it is. I myself was at Microsoft for over a year. So didn’t disturb him much. He gave me your number and asked me to contact you for help.
Me: Oh Ok
Caller: So where exactly are you in Mumbai?
Me: I am at my office in Powai area.
Caller: Oh! Near IITB. I have been there once during college.
Me: Ok. So where are you? How do you need help?
Caller: Sorry yaar. I guess I am not disturbing you.
Me: No problem at all.
Caller: I have just one debit card left with me. Fortunately, it was in the bag and not the wallet. It’s an old HDFC account. I haven’t used it recently, so it doesn’t have any balance right now.
Me: Yes listening.
Caller: Can you please deposit some money into this account. Would it be a problem?
Me: No. not at all. What’s your full name? Shaymsundar…
Caller: It’s S. Shaymsundar. I am from south.
Me: Oh. Ok. Yes go on.
Caller: My account number is XXXX. I will return your money as soon as I reach home.
Me: Oh. Ok. I haven’t received such calls before. Was not sure whether it was a crank call. How to be sure? Just then it struck to me. So which hostel were you in?
Caller: Oh! I didn’t live in hostel. My dad was … he told some Govt job, that I forgot in Guwahati. I used to live with my family in the city.
Me: Ok. You might know Ravi then. He was from your batch only. (Just made some name up to check).
Caller: No I don’t remember any Ravi. Which stream was he in?
Me: I don’t know exactly. Thought you might know. Well so bhaiyya (trying not to sound too questioning), who was the director at your time.
Caller: Oh! He was someone called Mohanty. You might not know him. (Caught you!!!)
Me: Yes, yes. So what is the sum you need?
Caller: Let’s see. I have to take a flight from here to Banglore. I would need 2-2.5K.
sounding hesitant and feeling sorry to disturb me I hope I am not troubling you any bit?
Me: Arre naa.
Caller: Is there any HDFC branch near you? You may check online for that.
Me: I think there is one branch nearby.
Caller: Oh. Thank God! So how long would it take?
Me: It should take me around 20 min to reach there.
Caller: So are you leaving right now?
Me: Don’t worry. I will leave immediately.
Caller: Thanks yaar. I would repay it on reaching Bangalore. I would like to meet you and Satish both when I return from Sydney. You guys are really helpful.
Me: Oh! No problem at all. After all you are our senior. This is the least we could do.
Caller: So. I’ll call you in half an hour.
Me: Yes, sure.

I called Satish. He whispered over the phone. He was in a presentation. I asked him does he know any Shyamsundar and had he given him my number. According to him, this guy called him some 15-20 minutes ago. Was not sure where he got his cell number. From orkut, perhaps. Forwarded the call to me, as he himself is busy. “Plz verify before doing anything”, were his words.

Well. I did leave immediately not for the Bank but for lunch. I went over the chinks in the story with my friends, to weigh the odds.

Chink 1: He was not able to tell the name of the hostel and made up some excuse. Plausible though, I must say.

Chink 2: There was no director by the name of Mohanty. GB Sir were there in our time and if he had passed in 2003, as he said he did, he should have known his name.

Chink 3: I would have understood if he needed some cash. But he needed money transferred into his account. Given internet (core) banking these days, he could as well have called his friends and family. They would have deposited money anywhere in India into his account.

Chink 4: Similar argument goes for the flight ticket to Bangalore. Any of his known one could have booked the ticket online. He just needed the PNR. Instead he went all pains to ask someone he didn’t knew even remotely.

Chink 5: The best part of it. The call was from a local landline number. I tried to call back but it was engaged. Probably a STD booth. So the guy didn’t have a cell number.

He called back and I told him that there is no HDFC bank in my vicinity. Better he call his friends and family to get a ticked booked online. Sorry that I could not help him. Looking forward to meeting him when he is back from Sydney.

Well, I still have his account number. (Based on real events)

Was Sambhavna really abused on Bigg Boss????

Was it just me or did something controversial really took place between Raja and Sambhavna. Day 18 of Bigg Boss, aired on 4th Sep ’08 saw Sambhavna crying in the confession room. According to her Raja was not a nice person. She said, “I went to him crying, missing Rakhi and I never knew that “this” would happen. He is not a good person at all.”

What was the “this” that she was talking about? When Bigg Boss asked her that if something “nasty has taken place in the house due to eviction fear”, was there a sexual abuse undertone? Is it possible that being given the power to nominate someone, Raja tried to get nasty with Sambhavna, who don’t want to loose, looking to earn some money. At least I felt so. Sambhavna pleaded Bigg Boss not to reprimand Raja regarding this; coz then she would really be thrown out off the house.

So has Sambhavna been abused? We all know Sambhavna pleaded each and every house mate not to nominate her coz she needed some money to pay her dues (either Sanjay or Rakhi revealed it after being evicted). So is she bearing all abuse to earn few bucks? If yes then it’s nothing short of casting couch. Can this be allowed to happen or should some regulatory authority take notice and act.

Is life really this amusing?

Whenever my friends used to tell some interesting incident of their life, I was always like, “O! God Why have you never done anything so cool in my life?” Really people, this has been one of my greatest regrets, I have nothing interesting to tell. I never understood why and how people have so much interesting to tell? Let me jot down a few of such things which my friends told me, that were quiet fun and unique.

• One of my friend never forgets what his dream was last night. He can explain you his dream in such detailed interesting fashion that you feel like “Well dreams are such fun. Why do I never remember them?”

• Many of my friends have interesting tales about the holidays they spent in their ancestral village. I always feel like a “Joey”, whenever some one is telling such a story. The tales of old havelis, bonfires, gang fights. I could never believe that they do happen outside movies. But so do people say!

• One of my friend stopped visiting his ancestral village, coz his parents were worried that his aunt (who lives in village) would feed him poison coz she didn’t have a son. I shook my head in utter disbelief. He said his parents were damn worried.

• Once when I was sitting in a friends room at college. A colleague came rushing in asking us to google out the number of Chapra (Bihar) S.P, coz their has been an attack on his family and he wanted to instruct the SP to take care of the situation till he reaches the home. (Not that I want such a thing to happen to me, but still…something close to that would do)

• A couple of my friends used to play with used contraceptives and fill them up with water and swing them like balloons. (I still wonder, was I so dumb that it never occurred to me?)

• One of my friend used to play with snakes and bats since childhood. I was sure that he was faking, when one day, he caught a flying bat with a towel and put it in a jar in front of us. We were like stunned. Then he captured a couple more.

• One of my friend had very interesting characters in his neighborhood. One was a guy who used to rub under his arm and then smell his palm. Other was a shopkeeper who used to fight with his own children as to who would drink the sip of pepsi that the last customer have left in the bottle. Another one was a African guy, who went mad when people called him “Kaalu”.

• One of my friends had a personal stalker, now would you not long to have one for yourself. How unfair God.

• One of my friends’ family tried to get him engaged when he was in college. The girl’s (with whom my friend was to get engaed) sister who was also married to my friends’s cousin was putting emotional pressure on him (my friend was in first year of bachelors at that time). The need for such a hurry was that the girl was 5’10 or 5’11 something and her family knew that finding well educated suitable groom would be hell of a problem and my friend is 6’2. He had to do something fishy to get out of it. I mean wouldn’t it have been interesting, at least a tale to tell, if it would have happened to me. But shucks, I am not 6’2.

• All of my friends have had atleast one such childhood fight (fight bole to ekdum dishum dishum waali), that they still cherish to remember, but not me. God has been so cruel to me that I never as much slapped someone in my school as far as I remember. No broken tooth, no bruised leg, no black eye, no swollen forehead. Being fat also didn’t help. As they say, “Fat people are very jovial and don’t fight”. Neither can they flight nor can they chase you down.

It’s not that my life has been totally void. It’s not the case. I have had my share of fun, my share of smiles, my share of cries, my share of naughtiness, and my share of tries. But the incidents have been nowhere close to the ones cited above. When my friends used to tell me their stories, they didn’t seem true to me; so much so that I used to think that they are faking most of it. But over the years I have learnt that maybe not having any such amusing incidents in my life at all, makes my life all together differently amusing.