Friendship, Love and Beyond

We all know the importance of friends in our lives. I won’t go into that. How friendship is affected by love is what I want to capture here. Can “a girl and a boy” be just good friends? This theme has been done to death in Hindi movies. More often than not, friends end up being lovers. Let’s explore.

The friendship of a male and female during college is quite different from that of work life. How? During college we hang out in groups. Hostellers have no life beyond college and friends. They become family. If feelings develop, it’s fine. But most of times, love does not develop, and friendship remains. Coz its family. Beyond the college, during the work life, we make new friends at office and outside. However we are in the college mindset. This is where the problem starts.

Most of the college love stories end with college itself. People go on to take jobs in different cities and that is where the romance stops. But with work life, it’s a new start altogether. People want to settle down and are looking for commitments. More often than not, love comes in between friendship, and if it is one sided, the friendship goes for a toss. It becomes uncomfortable, especially for the one who had feelings.

Let me relate a point. It might sound crude but is very practical. In India, girls who talk comfortably and openly with guys are very less. Look around your office for evidence. It is true for guys also. Such is the society in which we have grown up.

At office when a girl and guy become friends, they are seen talking together a lot, rumor mills start working. “Bhai, yeh ladki toh us ladke ki setting hai. Maine dekha hai dono ko kai baar saath”. They are assumed to be having an affair by the kill-time junta. The guy will try and react to rumors as if they are true, that’s how Dog we men are! We like to be stud. Now if the girl falls in love with someone in the same office. What happens to the friendship?

The friend-guy now becomes the ex in the eyes of the same junta. “Bhai, us ladki ne ladke ko laat maar di. Woh kisi aur ke saath ghoom rahi hai aajkal”. The guy now tries to justify that they are just friends; he had no feelings. But given his silent validation earlier, he becomes a laughing matter. He stops interacting with the girl suddenly under various pretexts. Also since they have spent so much time together, there is a feeble feeling somewhere deep down, which does not let him see her in love with someone else.

This now takes me to the movie, “Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam”. Madhuri’s friendship with Salman creates unrest in Shahrukh’s mind to the extent of breaking up their marriage. This is also true in real life. Ditto is the reason why guys can’t stand their girlfriend/wife in contact with her ex. Guys are possessive. Period! It’s not as if they doubt the commitment/character. Had it been the case, the relationship would have ended then and there. No. It’s just that guys are possessive about their girl.

Girls can go/shop/spend with her female friends; she can set the house on fire with her silliness; she can do all sorts of unreasonable things, and the guy will laugh it off. But the idea of another guy having even a bit of importance in her life, he will not be able to deal with it.

Depending on the level of love and level of maturity, the guy might relay his feelings to her and talk it out OR fight when he loves her too much to leave her but also is angry with her OR if love is not so strong, move away.

Girl may demand millions of things from his hubby. He will try and fulfill each and everything happily. Guys just demand one thing; Girl should have no place for any other guy at physical or emotional level in her life.

Courtesy: A Mad Kitten

जबसे गयी हो दूर

जबसे गयी हो तुम दूर, एक दर्द सा होता है,

होता है क्यों दर्द ये, है मुझे मालूम नहीं,

मालूम मुझे बस इतना है, कि नींद मुझे न आती है,

नींद कभी जो आ जाए, सपनों में याद सताती है||

दिन कटते हैं जैसे तैसे, रात काटने को आती,

कैसे काटूं रात ये दिन, मुझे समझ न आता है,

समझदार मैं था तो बहुत, पगला मैं बन बैठा हूँ,

बैठे बैठे, बस सोचूँ ये, किस्मत से मैं क्यों ऐंठा हूँ||

वो रास्ते, वो गलियाँ, जिनपर चलते थे हम तुम,

चलना भी दुष्वार हुआ, छाले क़दमों पे पड़ते हैं,

कदम मुझे ले जाते हैं, तेरे दरवाज़े की ओर,

दरवाज़े बंद पड़ जाते हैं, बिन तेरे किस्मत के||

तू जब थी बेहोश, वो पल लम्बे थे जीवन के,

एक बेचैनी छाई थी, तड़प रहा था मन ही मन,

तुझे कभी जो दर्द हुआ, चुभन मुझे महसूस हुई,

कब जाने ऐसा होने लगा, मुझसे पहले तू आने लगी||

वापस आजा जान तू अब, विरह सहन न होती है,

सहन जाऊंगा दुत्कार तेरी, पास जो तू मेरे होगी,

पास नहीं जो मेरे तू, जीवन जीने की आस नहीं,

इसी आस में बैठा हूँ, की आने वाली तू जल्दी है||

मानेगा रब

शाम थी कुछ अनजान,
थम सा गया था समां,
दूर कहीं एक अहाट थी,
दस्तक देने को तयार|

बेरंग जिंदगी थी जो मेरी,
तेरी नजरों को चुभ सी गयी,
हुई तभी से तू इसमें,
रंग भरने को तत्पर|

तेरी मुस्कराहट में ऐसा खोया,
आज तलक न मिल पाया,
डूब डूब कर मैं जानूं,
सच है, कोई ख्वाब नहीं|

परछाई से भी डरता था,
अब हठ कर ऐसा ऐंठा है,
बिन तेरे सब कुछ सून सून,
संग में ही जीवन जीना है|

गोभी का वो फूल नहीं,
दिल था मेरा जो तुझे दिया,
तू रूठ रूठ के मान गयी,
मैं मना मना कर थका नहीं|

एक झल्ली सी पहली बार लगी,
तेरी लट में, मैं अटक गया,
तब कमर पे तेरे हाथ रखा जो,
आज तक वहीँ रखा है देख|

कुछ गम था ऐसी बात नहीं,
कुछ कम था पर जज्बात सही,
कुछ नम फिर तेरे लिए हुआ,
कुछ थम गया, समय था वो|

तेरी गर्दन पे स्नेह किया,
प्यार से तू करहा थी गयी,
मीनू, रिंकू औ पिंकी सब,
जाने कब मेरे अपने हुए|

लबों की तेरी लाली थी,
मेरे लबों पर चमकी देख,
तेरे मुहं का स्वाद भी अब,
मुझको रह रहकर आता है|

साँसों की तेरी गरम हवा,
मेरी साँसों से टकराई जब,
झुक गए सारे नैन तभी,
सीने से तुझको लगा लिया|

छुपा ले अपने आँचल में,
यह दुनिया सब बेगानी है,
संग तेरे जो जीना पड़े मुझे,
वो जीवन मुझे बेमानी है|

एक बार जो थामा हाथ तेरा,
एक बार जो तुझको स्नेह किया,
अनंत तक न छूटेगा अब,
चाहें न मानें सब, मानेगा पर रब||

Strange Day Indeed

Sun was shining too bright,
Silence seemed too tight,
Fluffy clouds looked too light,
It was a strange day indeed.

Something seemed amiss, true,
This long, grass has never grew,
Ships were still, and no crew,
It was a strange day indeed.

The pace of wind horrified,
An abandoned child cried,
Couldn’t find a human, tried,
It was a strange day indeed.

Lot of feelings, inside,
More of seek and less of hide,
Lion and deer drinking side by side,
It was a strange day indeed.

I was walking on the cloud,
Did lot of things, not proud,
Tried shouting, couldn’t be loud,
It was a strange day indeed.

Everywhere I saw just one face,
More curious than Button, my case,
Time to slow down, what rat race,
It was a strange day indeed.

सोचा न था

चहकता है मन, गाता है दिल,
सुबह से शाम, कटती नहीं अब,
ख्वाब देखना भी भाने लगा है,
ऐसा होगा कभी, सोचा न था|

सुबह उठना अच्छा लगने लगा,
काम करना सच्चा लगने लगा,
समझदारी भी आने लगी है अभी,
ऐसा होगा कभी, सोचा न था|

ठण्ड छूने से जिसको लगी थी कभी,
तपन उसके ही आने से होने लगी,
सर्द रातें भी पल में कटती हैं अब,
ऐसा होगा कभी, सोचा न था|

चंद लम्हों में सो जाया करता था जो,
कितने पहर आँखों-आँखों में कटने लगे,
दर्द भी होता है न ताकीद अब,
ऐसा होगा कभी, सोचा न था|

अपनी बातों से फुर्सत नहीं थी जिसे,
बातें करना ही वो भूल बैठा है अब,
दर्द-ए-तन्हाई समझ में आने लगी,
ऐसा होगा कभी, सोचा न था|

जो होना था हो ही गया है तुझे,
राख पे रोने से कुछ पायेगा नहीं,
तमन्ना सरफरोशी की जग है गयी,
ऐसा होगा कभी, सोचा न था||

Is it really the change?

“Post marriage everything changes. People change. Things which were once liked become irritating. The childishness which used to be kinky turns into advice of getting matured. Promises get broken, love dissipates. Pillows which were used for fights start defining the boundaries. Relationship becomes sour.”

We all would have heard such lines, haven’t we? What’s the story behind? I don’t believe that core of a person can change after a certain age. During the formative years yes, but not post that. So what’s this change that people talk about?

Sometimes expectations on which a relationship is built are not met post marriage leading to the issues. Broadly speaking there are two types of love. Based on Thrust and Based on Trust. Let’s take them one by one.

Love Based on Thrust
When we meet somebody, find the person attractive, we try to woo him/her. Boys would laugh at girls’ jokes, no matter how pathetic they are. They would go all out to make her believe they are they for her no matter what. The gifts, the roses, the promises are all thrusted in to design a make believe world of dreams. Never was the laughter real, never was the care from the heart, never did the gifts hold any meaning, never were the promises made to be kept.

Girls would meet boys all dressed up, looking attractive. Would portray that she likes him just the way he is, with all the goods and ills. Possessiveness is considered to be endless love. When he spends loads of money, she likes it. Later the dressing up stops. She starts to dislike the ills which she never liked in the first place. The possessiveness becomes engulfing and unbearable. The guy is just a spendthrift now.

Love Based on Trust
Love based on trust is a bit tricky. Mostly this is without any explicit proposal. It takes time. Often there was no great initial kick. Never was a need to impress, no pressure to be presentable. No pretentions, nothing. There were no promises made under false pretext to be broken. All gifts had some meaning. The laughter was real, the zeal was real. Everything was shared without fear. Neither of them pretended and hence no change perceived later.

Basically it’s not the change; it’s just that the real person comes to fore, which is never rosy. Be true to one and to each other. Remove that extra ‘h’ from thrust and have some trust.

A Mad Kitten

Just say it

It’s been around 10-12 years, but the importance of what my Dad told me that day, presents itself time and again.

Our family was having dinner together. Out of nowhere Dad said, “Today the food is great”. I found the food no different. It was the same. I was perplexed. Dad understood what I was thinking and told me, “It’s important once in a while to compliment your partner even if you don’t mean it. She puts in a lot of effort everyday for this usual food. A single word of praise goes a long way to ease the tiredness of the daily routine. It’s refreshing and a lovely thing”.

The Man was indeed right. My Mom passed a blushing smile and the tension of hard work was gone. It was replaced by satisfaction. Had my Dad not said anything to Mom, it would have been fine. But just fine and nothing else.

To feel is not enough. What’s important is to express those feelings time and again. With our monotonous routine, we fail to keep track of these things and life starts drifting. To keep the fun alive, timely intervention is needed.

When you love someone, be it your parents, your siblings, your friends, your partner, it’s necessary to remind them verbally of that love time and again. They know that you love them, but little reassurance is always nice. Next time you meet your Mom, tell her that you love her. You would be amazed to see the smile on her face.

Courtesy: A Lovely Cat