Popat

Disclaimer: All names and places are real. Nothing has been altered as the target is to make fun of people involved.

How to define Popat? Well its a situation when someone has a bad experience which seems hillarious to others. We call it iska toh popat ho gaya.

Let me relate an incident. A couple of my friends were going to a collegaues wedding. They had a train to cath from mumbai. One of them came from Pune. They were all set to catch train from Mumbai Central.

Their train was at 11:45 in the night and they discussed plans to gulp a beer or two at Marine drive before proceeding to Central which is 10 mins away from there.

The fun was their train was from LTT which is quite far even for late night roads. Had they reached Central and would come to know of the goofup, we could say ki Popat ho gaya.

Hope this makes the meaning and usage clear. Poor chaps would be left licking their wounds, while we audience would be discussing and writing blogs and making fun at their expense.

Unfortunately fate intervened and a third party (me) who shared the wassapp group on which this discussion was going on pointed out the obvious. So popat hone se bach gaya.

Haaoo Haaoo

Whenever my wife argue with me, I dodge the situation by saying, ‘Haaoo Haaoo’ (How How in UP dialect). “You don’t do a single chore”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You forgot my B’day”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You don’t love me anymore”; Haaoo Haaoo.

It is sort of asking her to elaborate on the reasons. But real motive is to turn frown into a smile. A lot of tense situations can be diffused by such simple gestures. No escalations. All of us know this very well but choose to act otherwise. We fight argument with counter-argument. Insinutaion with insinuation. It does nothing but makes matters worse.

Munnabhai movie depicts a nice way of Jaadoo ki Jhappi (magical hug). Nothing better to diffuse a situation.

Never escalate a situtation, specially not at home. If you don’t agree with me, I would just say, Haaoo Haaoo.

The Air

Remember that moment; when you were alone with a beautiful girl in an elevator. Ah! That ever rising elevator with a stranger. You tucked in your tummy; took out your new Smartphone; swiped your hairs; a curious peak; the most charming smile. Just when you were about to hit pay dirt, a whiff of that air, breaking the silence, causing her to cover her nose and leaving you embarrassed.

Has happened to the best of us. One wonders that air can be this critical. Timing is important too. I had a friend who felt disgusted when someone did it in his presence. His solution was you should go out of the room in case you feel the itch. I reckon what his solution would have been for the elevator.

Another scenario. You are giving an interview. Things are going hunky dory. Then come the air. In a panel interview you can probably deflect the blame. But in a 1-0-1, what can you do? One might even lose the rhythm. No pun intended.

Similar thing could occur during the first date, first day at job, during a presentation. The list is endless. Can we do anything? Well I for one have not been able to. I guess some things are beyond our control. One can either let it pass, or twist in agony till it pass.

Various categories of PJ’s

Name: Poor Joke (PJ)
Age: Unknown
Effect: Deadly, Suicidal, Make you cringe, Trigger a sudden pulse down the spinal chord
Know As: Khatta (sour), Maaru (deadly)

Having spent some considerable time devouring each and every PJ that came by, I have tried to divide them into certain categories based on their characteristics.

• Story Time: Lengthy ones

Seriously long!. Come with a narration. An old house, the old lady, one untimely accident, a sudden death. After a grueling half n hour or so, either we have to answer a simple question or suggest a moral to the story. Believe you me; if you tried as much to think, you would definitely commit suicide.

Q There was a bus conductor. He was very rude. Due to his fault a lot of people used to get killed. Each time he was arrested-produced before the court-sent to the electric chair. Each time he survived. Realizing his mistake, he became a good man. Once when he tried to help somebody, he was again arrested-produced before the court-sent to the electric chair. This time he died instantaneously. The question is why?
A Earlier he was a Bad Conductor so electricity couldn’t pass through. Later he became a Good Conductor, electricity passed through. He died. (based on http://www.dctorrent.com/f204/deadly-pj-23733/)

• Stand on the shoulder of Giants: Remember the Titans

A PJ is told. We are subjected to another four-five PJ’s. The last PJ is a Q n A type. The answer to it lies in the very first PJ. It leaves you wondering, “I knew the answer all along”. One classical example is the “Elephant in the fridge”.

Q How will you put a camel in the fridge?
A Open the door. Put the camel in. Close the door.

Q How will you put an elephant in the fridge?
A Open the door. Take the camel out. Put the elephant in. Close the door.
..…
…. 4-5 questions
….
Q You are in a plane moving out from one city to another with all your belongings. Suddenly the plane starts losing height. Pilot asks each passenger to throw out the heavy items. What would you do?
A Of course. Open the fridge and throw out the elephant.
..…
….Another  4-5 questions
….
Q Two guys are standing by the side of a swimming pool. One of them jumps in. The other one didn’t know how to swim, so he remain outside. The one standing by the pool dies. Why?
A Easy. The elephant you threw out fell on him. Arrrggghhh!!! (based on:http://www.akhilesh.in/life/fun/jokes/pj0041TestYourCommonSenseRevisited.php)

• What is the meaning?

These are the smaller ones. You just have to find the meaning of some simple statement.

Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa: A and B, A and B, A and B, A and B, A and B…!
Bunta: Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa: Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
(Source: http://www.killerpj.com/index.php?sbjoke_id=290)

• Singing Daisy

Answer lies in some famous song. I am sure all of you might have read the following two.

Q Ganesh ko Anesh kisne banaya
A Kailash Kher ne. Tere naam se G loon. Tere naam se mar jaoon.

Q How will you light a cigarette in a boat without a matchstick?
A Take some water in your hand. Let it pass drop by drop. Tip Tip barsa paani, paani ne aag lagayi. Use it to light the cigarette. (based on: http://www.akhilesh.in/life/fun/jokes/pj0062LightACigarette.php)

• Antonym: The opposite

We have to guess the antonym of a particular word. We can solve them if we try and break the word into various Hindi/English sub-words.
Dominoes <—> Domi doesn’t know.
Nag Panchami <—> Nag did not punch me.

• Can’t help it: Main aisa hi hoon

They don’t come with any answer. They are the wackiest ones

Q 3+3=8 How?
A By mistake (Galti se).

Q A hen and three chickens cross a busy road. On reaching the other side, one of the chicks said, “Thank God all 5 of us are safe”. Why did it say “all 5 of us”?
A Come on! It is just a small chick. Small children usually make mistake while counting. (based on:http://www.crazyengineers.com/forum/chillax-chit-chat/30-ridiculous-jokes.html)

• Tag-the-line

The answer lies in a catchy tag line of some ad campaign.

Q A person used to live a normal life. Once he got a call on his idea mobile. It was from a girl. A wrong number, perhaps! Still he talked to her. They fell in love. Got married. One night, when they were sleeping, the wife got murdered. He was implicated in the murder. He cried that he has not killed his wife but to no avail. He was sent to jail. He lived there for 5 years. He broke out of the jail. He ran away from the city. He started living in the forest. He did Tapasya for 5 years. God became happy. He was granted a wish and was made the Prime Minister of the country. What is the moral of the story?
A An idea can change your life!

• Anekta mein Ekta: Regional ones

They are based on Sardars, Madrasis, Bengalis or for that matter Blondes.

The list is not extensive. Perhaps you could categorize them further. Till then I would leave you with this. Why was Indian Cricket team not able to drink Pepsi during their ODI series, Sri Lanka ’08?