शादी मुबारक हो दोस्त!

बात उन दिनों की है,

जब बेफिक्री का आलम था,

फ़ालतू थे, वक़्त नहीं कम था,

संग में छड़ी थी वो सीड़ियाँ,

संग में लिया था पहला कदम|

 

वो पहला कश, वो पहला जाम,

वो चुराया हुआ पल, वो अधूरा काम,

संग में छेड़ी थी कुडियां,

संग में डाला था दाना,

वो देना सफायियाँ, नया बहाना|

 

हर दिन नयी कसम,

बस आज से पढ़ेंगे,

नया अध्याय, शुरू करेंगे,

और वही हर बार का काम,

दिन को लुक्खागिरी, रात को जाम|

 

वो संपादकीय लेख,

वो अपनी धौंस जमाना,

देख लेंगे साले को, अगला लेख उस पे,

पता नहीं है पंगा लिया है किस से,

साथ-साथ थे, इसलिए सब कर गए,

वरना यही कहते कि, ‘… लग गए’|

 

वो पालतू बिल्ली जो थी,

आज भी याद आती है,

बिलोंटा देखते ही,

उसकी चीख निकल जाती थी|

 

संग में मिलकर दुनिया को गालियाँ दी,

अलग-अलग शहर चले गए,

नज़र लग गयी उसी ज़माने की|

 

तू अब नयी ज़िन्दगी शुरू करने जा रहा है,

बहुत खुश हूँ दोस्त तेरे लिए,

तू सलामत रहे यही दुआ करूंगा,

क्यूंकि करता हूँ में खुद से भी बहुत प्यार, 

मेरी उम्र तुझे लग जाए, यह नहीं कहूँगा|

 

तेरी होनी वाली जीवन साथी से,

तुझे मिले अपार प्रेम,

जब कभी तेरे घर आऊँ,

वैसे तो दोस्तों से कम ही मिल पाते हैं,

एक कप चाय पिला दे भाभी बस,

यह ना कहे, “कैसे-कैसे दोस्त आ जाते हैं”?

Why do we Celebrate Birthdays?

Like always, I threw a party for my friends this birthday. We celebrated, ate, I got gifts et al. This year was different though. I turned 25; a quarter of my life gone. According to a legend, man lives total of four lives. First 25 years “life of a human” when he enjoys, next 25 years “life of a bull”, when he works like hell, next 25 years “life of a dog”, when he barks and no one listens to him. And the last 25 years “life of an owl” when he is awake at night and listens to everyone without his own existence.

Accordingly I am done living the enjoyment part of my life. During early years of my life I used to wait eagerly for this day. New clothes, gifts, money. As fate should have it, I started falling ill on my birthdays regularly. At the age of 8 my Grandma decided enough is enough, no more celebrations. “Logaun ki nazar lag jaati hai chore ko”.

From that day, I avoided opulent celebrations, a tradition which I have carried on since. It has been just a few close friends, raising a toast and a small cake cutting; personal and close. Inadvertently I have moved on from opulence to sobriety.

I often wonder why we celebrate birthdays at all. When and how the tradition started? It could not have started before the advent of calendars, right? We just celebrated birth and death prior to that. At birth God gifts life, at death God takes it away. Both events take us closer to God. Hence the celebrations.

During winters, days get smaller, and as summer approaches they start getting bigger. Early people thus considered advent of summers as rebirth of Sun. This was among the first annual birthday celebrations by man. When calendars came into existence the same was applied to birth of the son (sun, Jesus) and effectively to every human being.

So what does birthday celebrations signify during our modern times? Are we celebrating the coming year, are we celebrating the accomplishments of the past year, are we celebrating surviving yet another year?

If we are celebrating the future life, than with each passing year, we have less and less reasons to celebrate. So should a septuagenarian celebrate any less than a guy in his twenties? If the answer is no, then one thing is quite clear that we are not celebrating the future life.

Are we celebrating the past year? But why? The past is past. It is gone. It is a like the sand which has dropped out of the hand. It is like the wind that has passed. We could have admired it as it was happening but why should we celebrate the past. Though we often raise a toast to the past years accomplishments during the party, it’s just a filler.

Since we move one year closer to death, we are for sure not celebrating the gift of life. Coz we are one step closer to that gift being taken away. It will be a delusional stunt of defying death if that is what we are celebrating.

What I feel is that birthdays are just a timely reminder of our existence in this vulnerable world. It’s a way by which we feel ourselves. We realize our existence. “Look, I am still here, despite what life has thrown at me. It’s just another way to celebrate who we are and where we have come from. It’s just another way to announce ourselves.

The Sex called Fairer

Have you ever wondered why females are called the fairer sex? What is the origin and meaning of the word fairer here? I have always wondered but given the attraction towards women, I never had any problem in calling them fairer. Never had inkling to doubt it for a second, lest I should earn their wrath. Well that’s fine for me given that I once surrendered the whole of Arunachal Pradesh to a Chinese girl. But I know you sons of the soil would not sit still, till you have un-earthed the reason. So here’s it for you.

There are numerous explanations floating around, given that the phrase is quite old and with time people tend to make their own theories.

First Men found women more attractive as compared to other men. They were more pleasant to look at. Fairerhere was used as a tool for flattery. The croaking of the frogs! Simply put, women are prettier than men. I agree.

Second Wealthy European women used to remain indoors, avoid sun and thus remained pale. Their skin color was of a light hue and not dark. The fair color, over the working females, showed their wealth and prosperity.

Third It is a sexist term. With the division of sexes between male and female, various properties came to be associated with each. When men were considered “the better” and “the sterner” sex; women were “the fairer”, “the gentler” and “the softener” sex. Thus fairer differentiated women from hard-working, rugged, tough, dirty, hairy men.

Given this explanation it’s rather surprising how the sexist words of the old have found respectable places into our modern and rather tolerant society. There’s a contention here too. According to a research, women were far more involved in the atrocities committed during the Holocaust than previously thought. A doubt has been raised about them being really fair.

Fourth There’s an interesting anthropological angle to this. Girls are fairer haired after puberty than boys, hence the usage. Though I am not too sure about it personally.

Fifth Girls are better than men in taking ethical decisions given that they are “fairer” in their choices. Well, I will let the readers decide on this one!

एक सताती बात

एक सताती बात,

कि होता क्यूं है तांडव,

बने सब कौरव पांडव,

बीच बाज़ार के आगे,

न कोई पर्दा ढाके,

न कोई अपने क्यूं है,

न आते सपने क्यूँ हैं,

रात दिन, दिन रात|

एक सताती बात,

कि क्यूं कोई भूखा सोता,

क्यूं कोई बच्चा रोता,

अनाज है धरती देती,

मुफत, ना पैसे लेती,

क्यूं फिर सबको न मिलती,

फ़कत दो वक़्त की रोटी,

रात दिन, दिन रात|

एक सताती बात,

कि क्यूं कोई इतना लोभी,

ना आती लाज जराभी,

जब है कोई बहू जलाता,

चंद रुपयों की खातिर,

बने कोई इतना शातिर,

कि बस पैसा ललचाये,

रात दिन, दिन रात|

एक सताती बात,

बुढ़िया की किस्मत कैसी,

कि उसकी आँखें तरसी,

पर उसका पूत ना पूछे,

उसे तो बोझ लगे अब,

जब निकले सब मतलब,

कहाँ पे हुई थी गलती,

यही ईश्वर से पूछे,

रात दिन, दिन रात|

एक सताती बात,

कि देखो खाखी-खादी,

करें देश बर्बादी,

औ हम सब चुप कर देखें,

बेबस धृतराष्ट्र के जैसे,

वतन का हरते चीर,

अरे अब जाग भी जा तू,

तुझे धरती है पुकारे,

रात दिन, दिन रात|

The IPL Team that wasn’t

IPL auctions, held recently grabbed everyone’s attention. With millions of dollars floating around, it turned out to be a landmark event. Not everyone seemed happy though. Some politicians were enraged by the amount of wealth at display. “It’s pathetic”, said one. Its gross” said another.  “Why were we left out from earning the moolah. It’s wrong”. “Let’s form a team and enter the IPL. Let’s rename it the Indian Political League”, came one suggestion. “Yes, let’s do it”, they gave a Spartan cry. We will show who the real boss is when it comes to earning monies.

“From next time on Mr. A. Raja will be the auctioneer given his huge experience with 2G auctions”, they passed a resolution. “All those who want to bid for someone at a cheaper cost, pay me 20%, I will bring down the hammer. I am the 1st, 2nd and the third umpire”, Raja promised. Point well taken!

The team was called, “Indian Commoners”, given the “aam aadmi” thing is in vogue. The team is as below.

1. Suresh Kalmadi: The way he accumulates money, he can accumulate lots of runs. His tendency to generate money out of nowhere is seen as his ability to get wickets out of nowhere. He is a genuine all rounder. He can even keep the umpires happy, if you know what I mean. He never hogs the limelight. Always owes it to teamwork.

 

 

2. Sharad Pawar: The Maratha pride. He is a bit lethargic in field. Takes time to move; needs a little push sometimes. But with him on the side, the team can make records, given his habit to make records of prices of onion and sugar. He does not care much about win or a loss. Cool as a cucumber. After all he is not a jyotishi.

 

 

3. RR Patil: A master planner. Sometimes caught off guard, when the opposite team strikes. To him even a huge loss does not matter. After all such small things happen. He is like a phoenix, rise from the ashes. The only thing that goes against him is his evident dislike for cheer leaders.

 

  

4. Mamata Banerjee: Bound to appeal a lot on the ground. Ei No Cholbe, Ei no Cholbe. Will sit on hunger strike if umpire does no give favorable decisions. Batting and Bowling will be on track with her in the team, well almost.

 

 

5. Sheila Dixit: Hell of a worker. Can make 200 in just 2 over’s when time comes. Though old age affects her memory a bit and she keeps forgetting things, considered a long innings player. Is well regarded for her mystic youth.

  

6. B. S. Yeddyurappa: With him, we will have our grounds to practice and play on. Whatever pitch/land/conditions we want to practice on, he will grab it and will make it available for us. Also he will cry when caught, so umpire will not give him out. He likes to keep himself in shape too. He respects the coach a lot.

 

 

7. M. K Alagiri (Karunanidhi’s son): He will hardly be present during the match but during the pre and post ceremonies, he will be there to complain that he is never given a chance to perform. Such spirit!

  

8. Nitin Gadkari: Will sit on the opposition and kill them. He is dealer and so is easy to deal with. Will keep asking for a wicket from the umpire. He will not let the match go on and may do a walkout, till his request is acceded to. His motto is “Eat and let Eat”, and eats up the wickets of the opposite team.

 

 

9. Narendra Modi: Tried his hand at umpiring. Took no decision and the two teams came to blows. Want to enter this time round as the player. The team is bound to win, err…only the home matches perhaps.

 

 

10. Rahul Gandhi: Likes to play test matches, slow and in whites. So that might be show-stopper. But has a fan following among elite youths (where the money is), so might be able to bring in sponsors. Also is young. Invest in future.

 

 

11. Manish Tiwari: His team is the reigning champion and he never misses a chance to be smug about it. He will murder anyone who says anything against his team. Such is his loyalty. Don’t need to know the context. All he knows is defense. He is the Wall. He can take on one, two or even three bowlers at the same time.

 

 

12. Jagan Reddy (12th man): He is a good fielder and practices a lot. Be it ‘Odarpu Yatra’. He has a lot of female fan following too. Charming! The flip side is that he will not play unless made the Captain. He will make a new team from the breakaway players if he is refused the Captain cap.

  

13. Sourav Ganguly: Pissed at his exclusion in the IPL, he gave his name for Indian Commoners. Unsold here too. Left has told they will find a role for him and no team in India is possible without him.

  

I Killed Jessica: Witness No. 301

Recently a movie on the infamous Jessica Lal murder case was released. It brought the memories and related stories back into the news. The movie was called, “No one killed Jessica” referring to around 300 witnesses turning hostile. I beg to differ; I confess I killed Jessica. I, a part of the system that led to the near miscarriage of Justice, killed Jessica.

It’s very easy to sit on this side of the fence and lambast the 300 odd witnesses who turned hostile. Let me ask you one question, “What would you have done if you were the 301st witness”. I would be true to admit that I would have been the first one “jo chat pet tha” (who was on the roof).

A mighty politician’s son! Where do I stand? What can I do? I am the 301st witness; I saw what was happening and did nothing. I killed justice. I killed Jessica.

But the positive that came out of this whole episode was the heroism of media. Birth of a new media, a media which was proactive; a media which was there to help. Considered, media too was not selfless. It did what could have attracted TRP’s. But what really is the TRP? It’s a measure of the interest a news story garners from the public. The public today is interested in the proactive role of media. Up till now we had nowhere to go. Police stations were a dreaded place. Courts used to give us shivers. We have media to rush to now.

Today even common man like you and me can stand up to anyone. Be it even the PM of the country, leave aside any tuchha-muccha politician. The non-confident “I will take you to the police/courts”, has given way to the confident, “I will drag you in front of the media”.

The 301st witness will not be on the roof no more. He is ready to testify.

पहला प्यार

क्या हुआ है दिल को आज,

इसने बजाया है वही पुराना साज,

जब हमने पहली बार किसी को था दिल दिया,

पर हाय री बेवफ़ा, उसने हमें शायर बना दिया|

 

प्रेम के प्रकाश से हमारी आँखें थीं चुंधियाई,

इसी जूनून ने हमारी आखरी सांसें थीं निकलवाईं,

उसकी हिरनी जैसी चाल पर थे हम मिटे हुए,

उसकी कातिल मुस्कान पर थे हम फ़िदा हुए|

सुबह-शाम उसके घर के चक्कर हम लगा रहे थे,

लग रहा था उसको भी हम कुछ-कुछ भा रहे थे,

भूख को हमारी उसकी जालिम अदाओं ने था मार डाला,

हमारी नींद का तो उसने जनाजा ही था निकला|

न दिन को चैन, न रातों को आराम,

हमारी जिंदगी तो उसने कर दी थी हराम,

बॉस से झिक झिक, घरवालों की उलाहना,

उसकी मोहब्बत में हम थे हद से गुजर जाना,

आखिर हमने कर ही डाला प्रेम का इजहार,

बदले में उसकी लानतों का मिला हमको हार,

उसकी शादी पहले ही तय हो चुकी थी किसीसे,

हमारा दिल न हो सका संतुष्ट बस इसीसे|

उसेक गम में जाम उठाया, बन गए देवदास,

जीवन जीने की हमारी खो गयी थी आस,

हम तो बस रह गए थे सबके लिए उपहास|

फिर हम झूमे नाचे, किया खूब डांस,

एक परी को दिल दिया, शुरू हुआ रोमांस,

उमंग वापस आई हैं, जिंदगी लाया हूँ मैं बुला,

पर पहले प्यार की याद को क्या मैं सकूंगा भुला?