Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Here comes the Train

I like tuning in to hear Railways’ budget speech. Lalu’s witty rhymes were always a treat. One never felt bored. Even the opposition members had a laugh. Mamata Di presented the budget this year. There were a number of good announcements including low price bottled water, women RPF and the proposed new lines.
Don’t worry I have no intentions to dissect the railways budget. You can watch the balding man with broad specs on the news for that.I have always rued the fact that Indian Train never got its due. Consider its contribution to Hindi Cinema. Had Bollywood been the same without the Indian Train? I have always visualized Train as a movie star. Train has played innumerable roles over the years. Do we remember any? No! We would remember the silly dog fromTeri Meherbaniyan instead. What blasphemy!
Movies came and went but nobody noticed the Train. There were silly whistles for Madhubala to Maduri to Aishwarya. But when it came to Train, Nothing. It was looted, plundered, ran upon but never did any film critic found its performance worth mentioning.
It was time someone stood up and brought an end to this madness. Here I present before you top 10 memorable roles played by Train in Indian movies of the modern era. Its redemption time!
10. The Train
One of the few lead roles over a prolonged career. Train transformed itself from the dusty old Passenger to the modern Metro. And all we remember is Aamirs transformation in Ghajini. The movie proved to be a dud and all the blame fell on Train. A leading movie critic said and I quote, “Not catering to Indian sensibilities. We like the dirty and dusty old train. Train now makes movies for the NRI’s only.”
  
9. Veer and Bros.
Since eternity, actors have loved running atop the Train. I don’t know why. Maybe they take some carnal pleasure in keeping Train under their feet. From Amitabh to Salman to Imran, all have tried their legs at that. How Train manages to leave an impression even in such inconsequential roles is a different matter altogether. Bollywood has gone as far as to oppose the electrification of Train. It wants to keep it the old coal run. All the wires above would prove to be a hindrance (to run atop, Of course!).
  
I chose Salman’s Veer for the sheer love he has for the Train. He even dedicated his muscled body to the Train. In an interview he said, “I Train in the morning. I Train in the afternoon, I Train in the night, I Train all the time. How else do you think I got these muscles?”
8. Ek Chaales Ki Last Local
Train played the role of an invisible being. It was there, at the same time it was not. We felt the presence all along but never saw it. Observe how in the image below you see the tracks but no Train. It’s there, believe me. It’s just invisible. Being a method actor, it is said that Train decided to become invisible for the whole 2:40 mins and still does so every night.
7. Sholay
Remember the scene where Daaku chased the Train on horses and Jai Veeru helped Thakur. Train played a highly praised cameo. As memorable role as that of Sambha. A single scene but we remember it till date. Don’t we? I mean Train not Sambha.
 
6. Jab we met
The modern day love story. Just when we thought that Train has reached the end of its career, it managed to rise form the ashes. Scintillating performance. The timing when it decides to leave the station thereby aiding Shahid and Kareen to meet. Perfect. How it was able to fool the intelligent actress twice is worth mentioning here. Way to go Train. You made yet another love story possible
 
5. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
One of my favorite characters. In the image below we see Sharukh getting emotional to part with the Train.And we thougt it was because of Kajol. He wanted the Train to stay. Train increased the speed just enough to let the dupatta fly away. Perfect execution. Such an emotional performance by the Train. Lovely.
4. Jai ho
Indian train decided to go global. It was offered a role in Hollywood movie Slumdog Millionaire and it grabbed it with both hands. The dance sequence was excellent. The Train arrived at the Oscars with a whistle.
 
3. Dil Se
Who can forget the amazing balance of the Train in the song Chaiyya Chaiyya. Train outperformed itself yet again. The way it carried the weight of the characters and the story on its back, still was able to keep its track was showing of a great performer. In fact Shahrukh secretly credits his success to the Train.
  
2. The Burning Train
Train was in the lead here and came out with flying colors. Junta clapped each time the train whisteled. It was a difficult role. Train was badly burnt and bruised by the time the shooting was over. But it never swayed its way. It kept running at the constant speed. Come what may! It was Arjun, in pursuit of the Eye. Majestic!
1. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
This one comes right at the top. In fact for me it’s all over from 1 to 10. I fell in love with Train for life long. Observe the different getups of Train. Disguised as Euro Rail, it made Shahrukh-Kajol meet. Remember the scene where Train decides to lock them up in a compartment with a couple of shakes thrown in. The improvisation was excellent.
  
At the end observe the Indian getup. How well it looked on the Train. Running fast and slow at the same time. Fast in long range shots and slow in close range shots. Exquisite. It slowed itself down at the appropriate moment to let Kajol in. I can watch the scene again and again. In fact I would give the award for the best trio to “Shah-Kajol-Train”.?

Monday, February 22, 2010

The day I cried

What is the most passionate human emotion? Love, happiness, anger, sadness would be some guess perhaps. Well, not exactly. It would be tears. The singlemost, strong emotion on earth. You feel happy, Tears of joy. You feel sad, Tears of sorrow. You feel angry, unable to control yourself, Tears of madness. You fall in love, Tears of passion. You feel hurt, Tears of pain. You are caught red handed, Tears asking for forgiveness. When someone departs, Tears of loss. When your child excels, Tears of pride. The list is endless. Tears span all emotions.
Let me admit at the onset, I do cry sometimes. Not in public though. After all I have to keep my male ego going.  I have never even imagined myself doing so. Would be a highly embarrassing moment. Or so I thought!
Last time I remember myself crying was when my grandfather died. I was in my hostel room when my sister called me. The tears just flowed, they were spontaneous. But it all got over with no one around.
This time it was an auspicious and public occasion. My sisters wedding. I was busy with arrangements and couldn’t foresee what was to come. It was the Ladies Sangeet function. Few words about this Ladies Sangeet. It is organized as a pre-wed ritual on a grand scale in North. Stage is set up. Professional dance and music troop is called. Everyone from the family is supposed to dance. However good or bad it might be.
I am not a type to dance or sing. So I decided to duck via what I could do. Say a poem. Little did I know that it would prove to be my nemesis. There wasn’t enough time so I jotted down a few lines and added tit-bits from my older writings. Everything seemed fine. I was through with most of the lines. I had just described an incidence from our childhood and there were awes all around.
As I reached the end where I chastised her for deserting us, something happened. I can’t describe it. I tried to resist myself, cautious of being on stage and eyes staring at me. Couldn’t help it. The tears followed. What a Man was I!
I managed to finish the poem just in time to see my crying sister rushing towards me. And the worst part, I was forced to dance too. Here is what I wrote.

“बचपन की एक बात पुरानी,
कुछ सुनो तो कुछ में कहूं कहानी,
मैं बीच रस्ते चेंटा था,
कुछ हठ था भरा कुछ रूठा था,
मुझे था वही खिलौना लेना,
जिस में थे दो तोते और एक मैना|
पैसे थे चार जरूरतें थी दस,
मैं रो रो कर चिंघडाया था,
माँ ने भी थप्पड़ लगाया था,
तभी किसी ने प्यार से थपकाया था,
माँ मुझे कुछ नहीं है लेना,
भैया का बस चुप कर दो रोना|
वैसे भी ऐसा क्या मांगे वो,
बस दो तोते और एक मैना,
बस दो तोते और एक मैना|


आज तू बिदा हो है चली, बाबुल का घर छोड़ के,
बनाने चली तू नए रिश्ते, पुरानों से मुहँ मोड़ के,
कुछ और देर तक रहती तो, मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कुछ बात पुरानी कहता मैं, कुछ गम मिल-जुलकर करते कम,
कुछ और देर तक रहती तो (सिसक-सिसक), मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कुछ बात पुरानी कहता मैं, कुछ गम मिल-जुलकर (सिसक-सिसक)…”

Monday, February 15, 2010

बदिरा

केशव के काले कुंज से,

कहा था किशन की कुटीर से,
कब तक करोगे कोप कल्लोल,
काले केश से काले मेघों ने,
कबसे कहीं न काज किया,
कुपित हुए वे कलयुग के कर्मा के कर्मों से,
किसने क्या कर दिया,
कबसे कोख ने फल ना दिया,
काहे का ये कोप भवन,
काहे की ये कठिनाई,
कबसे कह रहे हैं कब आओगे,
काले केशों से कुछ कोमल बरसाओगे,
कोनों तक में कालिख छाई,
ज्ञान का कमरक पियो कृपाई,
कभी कुछ कुबेर के कानों में,
कूकेगी कोयल कूँ कूँ,
कुछ तो कवलित हो कठिनाई,
कह कुछ मत कर्म कर भाई|

Monday, February 8, 2010

Who can God be?

Over the years I have wondered about the existence of God. Is he here with us on earth or is he celestial? If he is on earth, what form has he taken? Is he a human, an animal, a tree, some inanimate object perhaps? I have come up with some logical deductions, like always, on who could God be. My assumptions are the qualities that we all believe God possesses. Armed with these traits of God, let us try and decipher the Holy Grail.
1.    God is the Creator: God is Lalit Modi
God created us humans from scratch. Lalit Modi created IPL from scratch. God created 9 planets, Modi created 8 IPL teams. Just because Modi forgot one team, poor Pluto was stripped of its planet tag, thus maintaining the order divine.
  
He created the Champions League. He created the position of IPL Commissioner. He created three children of his own. He created a new political divide between India and Pakistan and the prototype for the modern Indian working lady. God created the world in 6 days. Modi created a whole IPL-2 in S. Africa equally fast. Such is the might of God.
  
2.    God is Immortal: God is Afzal Guru
God is not subjected to death. He must be Afzal Guru for sure. Regardless of Supreme Court death sentence to him, he is still alive. Maybe it’s not Congress’ fault after all. It’s just God and his ways.
  
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3.    God is Omnipresent: God is China
China is present everywhere today. Look around, all you see is Chinese made goods. From head to toe you are covered in China. Chinese phones, Chinese toys, Chinese clothes, Chinese babies, Chinese dolls, Chinese food to name a few. In fact the Chinese themselves are all over the world. You look here, Chinese. You look there, Chinese. Next time you go to your home. Check the attic. I am sure Chinese would be there too. Next in line towards Godship are we Indians for all the obvious reasons.
  
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4.    God is Immutable: God is Govt. of Maharashtra.
If God is not susceptible to change, my deduction would be he is Maha. Govt. A year has passed since 26/11, still no change. Everything is same.
`                  RR Patil is still Home Minister.               Same old traffic problems.
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`                        Same old Security issues.           Pawar’s smile is the same since eternity. Go to hell price rise.
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5.    God is The Ultimate Truth and Ultimate Reality: God is Sach ka Saamna
What if God is a game show? Sach Ka saamna, which is the Ulimate reality show which brings out the Ultimate truth from the contestant. So is God a reality show and Rajeev Khandelwal is his agent?
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6.    God is Boundless: God is US thirst for Oil
Maybe God is not something animate or visible. It is something as abstract as US thirst for Oil. It’s not US fault that they invaded Iraq and killed thousands of innocent people. It’s just what God forced it to. This feeling is boundless and cannot be contained. Hence US is forced to quench the thirst of Oil, sometimes by the blood of innocent people.
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7.   God has vast, un-imaginative powers: God is Madhu Koda
Madhu Koda might not be corrupt after all. It’s just his un-imaginative powers that converted nothing into billions. Remember “Turn water to Wine”. It’s just God’s power that took effect. He is no crook.
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8.    God is Necessary (cannot do without): God is Mobile phone
We cannot live without mobile phone. The moment it is not in sight, we feel cut off from the world. We feel uneasy, itchy, dizzy and in despair. Better we died. Maybe this addiction is not our fault. It’s just that we cannot do without God. Long live Mobile!
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9.    God is Perfect: God is definitely not Microsoft Windows
One thing is sure, God is not Microsoft Windows. With so much defects clubbed together, it seems Windows was written with code collected from junk sale. Definitely not what God is made of!
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10.  God is our father: God is Genghis Khan
A study identified a Y-chromosomal lineage linked to Genghis Khan, present in about 8% of the men in a large region of Asia. We are descendants of Genghis Khan. In fact the slang, “Ghenghis Khan ki Chati aulaad” is not used just like that. Most of us are his children and he is our father. Gandhi is just father of a nation, Genghis fatherhood transcends all boundaries.
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11.  God is the Ruler: God is the media
Media has the complete dominion of the world.  It’s media that rules today. News media makes/breaks stories. It twists news for TRP’s. Maybe it’s just the act of God to show complete control and not some wrong doings on the part of media.
  
12.  God is Immaculate (free of stain, spotless, absolutely pure): God is Katrina Kaif
God! She is gorgeous. So spotless, so pure, so free from error. How gentle and lovely is she. If there is someone purer than Katrina, I reckon there is no God. I would not want to pursue my hunt any further for the God who made Kat inferior to anyone. I am ready to go to hell for her.