The Human Langur

A news item recently grabbed my attention. To counter the money menace around the parliament, men dressed as langurs were stationed in that area. It’s a known fact that monkeys fear langurs. Having grown up in a monkey abundant dwelling, I have a first hand experience of it.

Coming back to men dressed as langurs. This is one of the most ingenious inventions that I have come across; already falling out of my chair with laughter.

For one we could have gotten real langurs but given today’s age of political correctness, a law in Delhi bars this form of animal atrocity (but killing chicken is legal!). Fearing away monkeys is a glaring example of short sighted and quick fix mindset of our nation as a whole.

Better would have been to capture monkeys and relocate them to the jungles. But we are more concerned about chasing them away from VIP areas. One question, where will monkeys run to? You are right, areas where common population live. So we divert the menace from Parliament to other areas of the city. What an achievement!

Given the fact that I was attacked and taken away (long story for another time) by a monkey during my baby days (not funny), I embody some strong feelings.

What I would like my Govt. to do is to formulate a stringent nation wide policy w.r.t monkeys and stray dogs (similar problem). Not just Delhi centric. I have lived under the terror of monkeys all through my childhood and can safely say that it’s just not safe.

But with out lawmakers settling with shooing away the problem and turning the blind eye, I don’t expect much.

All party meet (Satire)

Indian Parliament is in grave danger.  The very existence of our Neta’s is under threat. I am talking about bad quality of food in Parliament canteen. How can we expect the lawmakers to function without good food?

Gauging the graveness of the issue, Venkaiah Naidu promptly called an all party meet. There was a huge ruckus. “One at a time please. One at a time”, he pleaded.

Mamta Banerjee: No gooood fooood, areeee baba. This is a conspiracy by Govt. to suppress the voice of people. Ei no cholbe. Ei no cholbe.

Sushma Swaraj: Kaisa waktavya prastutt kiya hai? We also eat here. Blaming the Govt. is like not getting the pulse of the nation.

Mayawati (gate-crashing): Idhar aa tu. You are right we are not getting pulse but in canteen. Paani jaisi dal.Yeh manuwaadi log. Yeh manuwaadi mansikta.

Rahul Gandi (facing the wall): Only one voice is being heared in the canteen. The voice of the waiter from Centrefresh (kaisi jeeb laplapaayi) advt. I feel it. My mother feels it. My chauffeur feels it. My gym instructor feels it.

Sumitra Mahajan: Dekhiye, as Tai, I want to give everyone time to speak. However big or small. Manager or waiter. I will go by set precedents on it.

Rajiv Pratap Rudy: I did not become a minister. “Papa ki toh lag gayi“, my kids are made fun of. I make jokes on Congress just to soothe some pain. Congress wont be allowed scrambled eggs given they are scrambling for LoP. They just ate a humble pie. Aren’t they full. He He. Sigh!

Jayalalita: I don’t have the pull on NDA as in the yesteryear. But if Govt. awards me the canteen contract, I will side with them  while deciding on dessert. My dream of Amma Canteen in the Capital.

Derek O’Brien: How long can I survive on Bournvita. I see hands of the cook dripping with gravy as he holds them up. But when food is served we get no gravy. “Where does the gravy go?” You have 30 secs to answer that question.

Mulayam Singh: We have been hit by inflation. Earlier we used to get bulk discount. Now we are just five. No discount. Ab per head jyada aata hai. Are these the acche din?

The argument went on for couple more hours. All that was agreed upon was the date of the next meeting.

Modi was seeing it all from spy cam. With a notorious smile he chugged at this laptop as he ordered a pizza. “Simple”.